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Old September 14th, 2012 (10:04 AM). Edited September 14th, 2012 by TornZero.
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Resident Yuri-ism Cult Leader
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: In your pantry, eatin' your delicious cake.
Age: 21
Gender: Female
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Aside from fixing up the formatting, and obviously expanding (quite a bit) on the powers since some require some major balance, the biggest problem with the holy and hell forms I can see at a glance is chronokinesis. We let Raikiri have gravity manipulation because he's got the reputation for it; we know he'll keep himself in check without having to intervene, likely not even once. It's also able to be moderated similarly to telekinesis, so it can be altered rather freely to fit the pseudo-psychic position. Time manipulation, however, is something utterly forbidden in general. There is literally no way whatsoever to moderate and balance it without having to completely disable it and its effectiveness, and there is no way I can conceive to use it without crossing the borders into godmoding or, again, completely disabling it and its effectiveness.

Unless The warden's actually willing to give you a chance to make this worth the while, this'll be non-negotiable.

Explaining on the powers (This is just me pointing out what I think of them as I read through them.)


• The Karmic Optics: This seems rather useless. Even a sin can do good, and virtues evil. This power makes it seem as if you believe it's black and white, and it can easily get confused if the good guy is attacking the evil-doer. I mean, if the good guy's on offense with murderous intent (say, revenge for the bad guy killing his girlfriend or something), who'll have the red glow?

• MASSive Power: This, without the major balance like I said, can get so overpowered that it's to the point of being ridiculous. Without a serious limit, you could become as dense as the Earth, invulnerable to damage, or accidentally dissipate your body into air.

• Soul Seeker: Maybe make it so he can only see the most recent karmic decisions, and only their most visible hopes and fears?

• Sunlight Blades: This really just needs some balance; I don't see a problem having this power at all. He summons them; does he have to maintain their form and usefulness? Also, what can they penetrate? or are they the equivalent of light sabers in their entirety and can cut through generally anything?

Overall, none of your Holy powers are even related to temperance as a virtue. Regulation; balance; restraint and self-control. While the powers can still be used and they can grow stronger over time, not a single one has a relation to Dillon's virtue, at least that I can see. Also, how has the virtue affected Dillon's personality? All he's become is more reckless, which is the total opposite of his virtue.


• Willpowerup: Stealing people's willpower will only leave Dillon as strong as when he started, as he won't have a continuous stream of willpower to support exerting the power he stole. (Stealing implies that they won't have it any more once Dillon takes it.) This needs to be rephrased if you want anything useful out of it.

• Insect & Arachnid Control: This one, and the Webbing, is like the Sunlight Blades. I don't mind them being here at allthey're pretty dang coolthey just need some balance to make them applicable. Does he have a range of control, and can the bugs' personalities or instincts conflict with his orders? Does he have a limit on how much webbing he can produce in a certain period of time?

While your Sloth powers are generally going to be easier to work with than the Temperance powers, you still face the issue that only one of them is even Sloth-related, and it only makes others lose the will to bother fighting. As with Temperance, you should also explain how the sin has affected Dillon's personality.

I will be moving my account to Songbird over the course of immediately. The signature will stay as is for posterity and reference.