As part of my wide-ranging initiative to bring stability and success to this forum, I have taken the decision to automatically enrol all PC members in my Secretly Evil Army of Sunshine and Light.
Membership is compulsory; any footsoldiers objecting to their new status will be summarily demoted to the rank of Sewage Technician. (It must be stressed, however, that this is hardly a punishment – you are still serving under I, Lerroux, Commander-in-Chief of the forces of goodness; still fighting on the side of truth, justice and properly trimmed facial hair; still a part, however minor, of the Glorious Revolution I will shortly be bringing to a conclusion.)
In any case, I hardly expect anyone to complain: each and every one of you will be awarded a shiny new emblem for your troubles. Keep it close to your hearts and uppermost in your thoughts wherever you may be in the coming weeks: scaling the headquarters of the United Nations using nothing but chewing gum and spoons, perhaps, or being mown down heroically as you battle to capture strategic positions all over the globe. Hold onto that emblem like a tiny flame, a flickering candle, a light of truth and justice in the darkness threatening all of us. Love it like you would a real, actual person, albeit one with four corners that’s been subjected to horrible JPEG compression. Trust me when I say that the comfort you will receive will be nothing short of ludicrous.
You will all shortly be receiving a PM from me detailing your particular assignments: key targets include but are not limited to the bus station outside my house, that man who gives me funny looks every time I go in Subway, a cat I have grown to intensely dislike and Andy’s front room. (Members are also encouraged to use their own initiative – should you see a bank left deserted, its employees having flocked to join our armies, you should naturally retrieve any necessary funds from its coffers.)
Promotions will be the order of the day should I witness members going above and beyond in their quest to restore me to the throne I was born to inherit: for example, stealing three sheep, a welly boot and a broken teapot from a small farm nestled deep in the Yorkshire Dales will likely result in a Moderator position for Other Voting Polls. (Not that I would want to appear too specific - it’s not as if I have a list of these things carefully worked out and tacked to my fridge door! Haha! Hahaha. Ha.)
A copy of the PM you should already have received is below: