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Old September 28th, 2012 (08:49 PM).
PkMnTrainer Yellow's Avatar
PkMnTrainer Yellow PkMnTrainer Yellow is offline
Pokemon Professor / RP Mentor
Crystal Tier
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: East Coast, USA
Gender: Female
Nature: Sassy
Posts: 4,521
@Lunacrest: Alright... Glad to see you're interested! There are some issues with your SU, but with a little patience we can work on those and get you into the RP. Now...

The first thing I noticed is that your character seems to rely on a cute and innocent facade. Survival of the fittest is a major theme in this RP. So quiet honestly? People will see weakness and it will more provoke them to attempt to take advantage of her perceived weaknesses rather than help or trust her.

I'd compare such an act to trying to playing dead... in front of vultures. I'm not saying she can't be really manipulative, just that the people of the fallout world are more often than not terrible people compared to the normal Pokemon world, and that playing weak/innocent/helpless specifically doesn't make sense.



The second thing is... you mention that she steals... laptops. The problem here is that technology is no longer a thing. Without Pokemon physically present to generate their electricity, humanity experienced a technological collapse. At this point and time, there should not be anything remotely complex running off electricity, and it would take quite a bit of explaining to justify anything at all.



The third thing I noticed was Spora's personality: "Spora is similar to Luna in many ways. She tricks people, including her "friends" into trusting her, and then she stabs them in the back. She enjoys other people's misery, and is somewhat of a sociopath like Luna. Spora always uses a hit-and-run method, as she loves the shock of those before they fall asleep."

My immediate thought on all of this is... Spora is a disembodied spirit incapable of so much communicating with anyone other than her host. How does she /do/ /anything/? o3o Did you mean to refer to her life before being a spirit? That on the other hand would make sense.


My last concern is more of a suggestion than something that needs to be changed or elaborated on. Your character's moveset is rather offensively orientated. 4 purely offensive attacks is... a tad steep, and you might find your character somewhat crippled in both utility and combat as she is now.

Other moves to consider: Synthesis, Growth, Mimic, Captivate, Charm, Attract, Bulk Up, Mind Reader, Protect, and probably a few others I didn't bother listing.

Mimic is a very neat move in particular. With just one moveslot, your character basically has an excuse to use any non-legendary move in existence, and fight an opponent with their own attacks. For Pokemon that can learn it, there's honestly no downside to replacing another attack with it. (I tend to treat it as Sketch, only it can be overwritten.)
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