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Old September 29th, 2012, 05:45 PM
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Lunacrest
has ninja'd: 2600
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: STALKERS!!!!!!
Gender: Male
Nature: Hasty
Quote:
Originally Posted by PkMnTrainer Yellow View Post
@Lunacrest: Not a problem. I often say this to people joining because I don't want you to get in and realize you hate the movesets you picked. My primary job is to try to avoid you... not having fun. So, y'know. ||P

Anyway, we've made progress. But you didn't address my question about your pokespirit's personality. Is it meant to reference her past life before becoming a spirit? If, so I'd like you to clarify that for me. It's a minor thing, but it needs to be done.

Two other things I noticed in hindsight was that the the flow of the history and personality leave a lot of things unsaid. Such as:

Why is she a thief? Like... what caused her to choose that route as opposed to scavenging or cannibalism? Was it the unreliability or difficulty of scavenging? I'd imagine a Breloom wielder would be immune to the toxicity of the plants everyone else wouldn't even touch. Is she a bit less corrupt than she is made out to be and would rather steal sustenance from people than make /them/ sustenance? Or was she frightened out of the idea by rumors of insanity resulting from such lifestyles? I hope you don't mind me suggesting improvements on your SU beyond what may be considered a deal breaker as far as joining goes.

Similarly. Why is she a loner? Was that a direct result of her parents dying, or more of the hostile, untrustworthy world she was born into? You tell what she is a lot, but not why.

Lastly, does your character know what "seismic" means? o3o The books remaining from a long gone era of piece are the only real means of educating oneself. I reasoned to myself that maybe that was more your vocabulary and less your characters, but an RP post generally shouldn't be in Third Person Omniscient (Because nobody, not even I, can claim to be omniscient over the world I'm writing about~)

I personally think a well-developed character is funner to play in the long run, so I hope you'll give my words some consideration when reviewing your character.
I will always listen to a superior's advice, as I know it will help me.

I've decided to label my edits with colors, in order to show where I made the changes.
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Last edited by Lunacrest; September 29th, 2012 at 06:19 PM.
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