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Old September 30th, 2012, 06:54 AM
Haruka of Hoenn's Avatar
Haruka of Hoenn
Rolling writer
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Yes.
Gender: Female
Nature: Calm
And so the final showdown begins...

Quote:
Meanwhile, Red and Leaf were circling, eyeing each other closely. “It was you. I know it was you. You were the one who called to report my meth lab to the feds. Time to die,” came the monotone voice of Red’s machine.
I really like this moment. I can almost picture the looks on both of their faces as they're circling each other, staring into each other's eyes. Red's 'time to die' quote struck me as creepy for some reason... and it doesn't help that I have to imagine him saying those words in a mechanical monotone at the same time.

And aww, Red's defending the honor of his Pikachu...

By the way, I like how you choreographed the fight scene by focusing on each of the pairs in turn. Though the team was able to defeat Tobias and Friends rather easily, I guess it's to be expected, since Lisa and co. have calculated their moves, while the villains are just using blind rage.

Quote:
“Dammit, this is impossible!”

“How are we being beaten by a bunch of GIRLS?”
I love this quote.

Quote:
Despite being bruised all over his face, Tobias was not giving up the fight. He got off a clean punch to Lisa’s face, knocking her to the ground. Seeing his advantage, he grabbed the girl and made his way to the black Mercedes. Lisa attempted to break free by biting and clawing at her assailant, but the man’s grip remained strong.
For some reason, I'm not surprised that Tobias was the last one left standing...


Quote:
“You better let me go!”

“After all the **** you put me through, do you really think I’m gonna do something that stupid?” The man laughed as he maneuvered toward the rear of the black sedan, the girl still in tow.
It always bothered me how in movies or books, the character being captured by another would always say something useless like 'Let go of me!'. As if the captor would suddenly have a change of heart and turn good. Which never happens.


And when Lisa's outfit survives a terrible plight, we know the day was successful. :P


Quote:
“Anything pertaining to the incident – records of their plot to replace you, anything on the alleged hit on Dennis Franklin, but most importantly, people in the League who accepted bribes from Bartles and OTP to let their crimes go unchecked. I also suspect bribes were involved in broadcasting those brainwashing waves, since most of the media in Kanto and Johto is controlled by the League. Only a couple of news stations aren’t.”
I'm surprised at how different our two interpretations of the Pokemon League are. That's what I've enjoyed the most about this story -- your League is like a government in and of itself. If has a Senate Council, a Special Agent division, and it even controls radio networks. :P I guess it's inevitable that an entity so large as that would eventually fall into the hands of some powerful CEO wanting to exploit it. (And since the League has so much influence, it makes sense that Tobias was able to do so much with it. This just goes to show how a big corporation can turn ugly in the wrong hands...)

I like how you devoted lots of time to detailing with the aftermath of all these events. I guess Leaf's decision to not return as Champion was a logical one... I wouldn't want my name associated with a brainwashing conspiracy either. It's kind of sad at the same time, though, because Leaf had so much passion for battling in the past, but it all got ruined because the League was turned into a gambling, drug-dealing disaster. :P

The chapter ended on a nice, relaxing note, which is a definite breather from all the intense action-investigations of the previous ones. It seemed funny to me how Lisa forgot all about her pokemon and only remembered them now. I think they would've come in handy. (Speaking of which, it would have been hilarious to no end if you did a parody of the games -- first have them battle with pokemon, and then when Tobias and co. realizes that pokemon are no good, they switch to a fistfight instead. :P But this is just me rambling... of course it would make sense for everyone to cut to the chase and skip the pokemon battles.) Come to think of it, it's sad how Red's last 'battle' as Champion didn't even have anything to do with pokemon.



My sources confirm that there shall be an epilogue, so I'll save my big congrats and balloons for next time. :P See you then!