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Old October 16th, 2012 (08:13 PM).
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Pppgggr
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Age: 16
Gender: Male
Nature: Calm
Quote originally posted by Astinus:
One small comment I could make is that you might want to change the name of your main trainer. "Ethan" is the name of the male trainer from HG/SS, and some readers might automatically insert him in the story instead of your own original trainer.

To help with the starting location, think about what Haruza would do after leaving Magma. If he's still interested in archaeology, he might be near the desert where the fossils are located. Maybe even in Rustboro with the guy that's trying to revive fossils. Or he might be near the volcano if he wants to keep his eye on Magma and thinks/knows that they could always strike the volcano area for Groudon (which they do in the games). Or he might be in a bigger town so he could hide better in case Magma is looking for him.

As for the personalities, the way that works for me is to just write the story. Or just write random scenes. That way, you'll get some idea of how the characters will react to certain situations, and work from there. Or if you wanted to, you can find character creation questions online that ask details about the characters you want to make up, and supposedly that helps you learn more about them.

Magma could use the gems to create a mass amount of Pokemon that could help them fight and get Groudon. Or just to fight back against anyone who tries to stop them by using surprising Pokemon. I'm not clear on how the gems decide what Pokemon to create. Like why Slugma made of water? Are the gems controllable (can the person choose in any way what the Pokemon species would be?) and will Haruza study the bodies to find out more about the gems? He left Magma in a hurry after the gems were discovered, so like maybe he could study them a bit to find out a weakness or even just how they work.

And I don't know what's the point of Ethan's mother being deathly ill. If he leaves her anyhow, why didn't he do that before? And does her illness mean anything to the plot overall? Or was it just a way to keep Ethan in town long enough for him to be chosen by the professor and then picked for the plot of the story.

That's just some questions you can try to figure out to get more details on the plot. It's just what I noticed that could help you fill in details and maybe get started.
Dang, I really need to make an effort to learn the names of the trainers from the games.....I wouldn't have caught that one on my own.

As for the gems, I've put a great deal of thought into them. Each gem starts off as a blank slate with an empty soul within, the element its attributed to being the only defining characteristic of the gem. The gem can have both the mental and DNA imprints of any one pokemon implanted into it and from that, the soul stored within the gem takes the form of that pokemon. Then, whenever activated, the gem gives birth to that pokemon and infuses it with the element of the gem.

Why water-Slugma? That took some careful consideration as well, but I've decided that because the original stash of gems were destroyed, they can't be too choosy on the elements of the pokemon they use. Since both the DNA and mental imprint of an existing pokemon is required, and these men are only grunts, they were tossed the water-type Slugma as scraps leftover from their testing of the Gems; simply a back-up in the case that their regular pokemon fail.

Another thing about the gems that I'm adding in to justify not making an army of one pokemon from a single gem is that every time a gem is used, the soul of the gem is implanted to the pokemon. That soul then returns to the gem as its new body destabilizes.

As for his mother, that's exactly the case.....But I didn't see the logical fallacy there until you pointed it out. I guess I could say that his love for her kept him from leaving her alone in her physical condition. When he realized the gravity of the situation, he went home and explained everything to her....And she convinces him to go? I guess both her permission and the tug of the urgency of the mission would be enough to push him to go.

When it comes to studying the bodies, there wouldn't be a need. The professor made the initial discovery and did a substantial amount of research before shutting the operation down. There'd be no point in studying the pokemon because at the very least one of the two knows how they work. The real mystery is how Magma's getting ahold of the Gems after the initial quarry was destroyed.


I've also given their reasoning some thought, so tell me what you think of it.....

Spoiler:
What if the gems gave a bit more freedom than simply creating a new pokemon and changing its type? What if the gems could contain multiple pieces of DNA to build up the pokemon's body? More than one mental imprint would drive the thing insane and render it useless, but mixing together a series of DNA strings within the gem and creating the perfect body for the spirit could create a force to reckon with. Perhaps the research the professor took from them contained the details needed to mix pokemon or switch around mental imprints in such a way, so that gives them them motivation to attack him. Their goal could be to gather DNA from the legendary pokemon Groudon and mix it with the DNA of a legendary pokemon that's much more prone to leaving traces, such as mew(Mewtwo was made up of a trace of mew), or Ho-Oh?(I could have sworn there was an item in game that was Ho-Oh's feathers or something similar.). Heck, even finding Kyogre, Rayquaza, and Groudon and mixing their DNA into one body, then giving it an intelligent mental imprint could create the ultimate being. Their original goal before they discovered the gems was to find and control Groudon, so it'd only make sense for them to include him into their plans. In the future, once their plan fails(Because it will have to for the fanfic to fit into the storyline properly), they could simply resort to controlling Groudon with the blue orb, as they had originally planned.
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