Please include more description in your story and don't write in script fic. It's against the section's rules to post improperly-written script fics. So instead of
Description would help let readers know who is who. It's hard to tell what's going on in the story and who everyone is. Like are Tara and Jerry twins of Gary's? And I'm not sure why you stopped the chapter right at the start of the battle. It's a weird place to end.
Grammar could use a little improvement too. Like
You can try rewriting your chapter to fit in with the rules (no script for dialogue) and fix up the grammar and missing description. But this thread is closed for not fitting the rules.