Pokemon: The Walking Dead [M] (OOC/SU)
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October 22nd, 2012 (08:00 PM).
Cheese, for everyone!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Ok, Genevieve, I have a couple of issues with your signup. First of all are some grammar issues in your opening post that you really need to look out for. You seem to be very fond of comma splicing.
A comma splice is when you take a run-on sentence and combine it with commas.
Natasha sighed looking up at the sky, it was early morning, so most of it was still black, and she could still see the moon and the stars, but on the edge of the horizon, she could see the purple, orange, red and other colors of the sunrise just barely visible.
This one's more subtle but I do see comma splicing here. Several parts of this sentence that are separated by commas should be made into their own sentence. For this first one, I'll show you how to rewrite it:
"Natasha sighed looking up at the sky
It was early morning, so most of it was still black, and she could still see the moon and the stars
On the edge of the horizon, she could see the purple, orange, red and other colors of the sunrise just barely visible."
Here's another, much more prominent comma splice:
With a sigh she glanced to her right at the body of Jarrod, the boy had been foolish, trying to betray her like that during the night, but she had no choice but to kill him, she wasn't going to regret that.
I minus well show you how to rewrite this one as well.
"With a sigh she glanced to her right at the body of Jarrod
The boy had been foolish
trying to betray her like that during the night, but she had no choice
to kill him
he wasn't going to regret
As you can see, I also corrected some of your word usage there.
There are a few other instances of comma splicing. In order to detect these, try reading your post and history aloud and see where you pause. That'll help you decide when it's a new sentence.
I just want you to get ahold of this before I allow you into the roleplay. Run-on sentences make a piece of literature very difficult to read and makes it irritating to interact with this person. There are several other grammar mistakes in there, but I'm not going to be too picky.
Get this fixed and then I'll accept you. I won't be so worried about your grammar once the roleplay actually starts, but others may take issue, so it's best to get ahold of this comma splicing issue now.
On top of this(And I'm not faulting you specifically on this), WHAT THE HECK IS UP WITH EVERYONE AND MACHETES AND SWORDS? All three sign-ups I've gotten have involved the characters owning some form of a blade. I did say I accepted melee weapons, but I was for the most-part considering bashing a creature's head in with a pipe or a base-ball bat. I didn't want everyone in the roleplay to be some sort of Samurai.
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