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Old November 9th, 2012 (6:40 PM).
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Astinus Astinus is offline
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: Connecticut, USA
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,895
As Heracles4 said, this is in the wrong section. All stories go in the main forum of this section. I can move it for you.

He should have at least pointed out the grammar issues that he saw so you can improve on them. Otherwise, you'll never know what you did wrong, and you might think that that means you can never post your stories here. Which isn't true.

Now nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody speaks my name
I'm just another blister in the mouth of shame
A bug in Ender's Game