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Old November 10th, 2012, 08:53 AM
Heracles4
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Gender: Male
Sorry Astinus, I was in a hurry.

Alright...Lets see..

I see some spelling errors such as "on" instead of "one"..

You also need to work on dialogue. Proper dialogue goes like this:

"Hey!", Bob yelled to Sally

Oh, some more spelling errors:

You have "voise" instead of "Voice"

"knieled" instead of "kneeled"

"Witch" instead of "which"

"Unhappyness" instead of "Unhappiness"

"ment" instead of "Meant"

"Lonley" instead of "Lonely"

"Bouwed" instead of "Bowed"

"Newly" instead of "New"

"traveld" instead of "Travelled"

"Croutched" instead of "Crouched"

I also saw some other grammar errors:

Eye's should not have the apostraphe because it is not possessive


I'm sorry I can't fix all the dialogue errors for you, you'll have to do it on your own..
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