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Old November 10th, 2012, 06:15 PM
Volcanix769's Avatar
Volcanix769
Known as the Quilava Guy!
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: NJ in the U.S
Gender: Male
Nature: Careful
Oh my....... there's no need to bold out every text of this small, unplaced short story. Also what's with the title? It's kind of cliche and it's not enticing towards other readers. And I'm going to be kind of angry on this, so don't get sad about what I'm saying now. There is SO much lack of detail and vividness and that there's a lot of grammar problems along with minor spelling errors sprinkled across this entire story.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ginalovespokemon View Post
Eevee stared at mew and leafeon they both shuke there head yes, eevee looked at the human and jumped in his armes. The human scratch his head and he said wel do you wnat to join us little on?
Mew should be capitalized, "shuke their heads" should be "shook their heads", "eevee" should be "Eevee", and there's supposed to be at least a period or comma separating Leafeon with "they", or just say as. And what? Why say "armes?" Really!? "Scratch" should be "scratched", and the last dialogue should be quotation marks since it's dialogue and it should be:

"Well, do you want to join with us, little one?" questioned the human.


Quote:
Originally Posted by ginalovespokemon View Post
Again the human only heard mew, mew,me, mew, me. The only thing the human heared was EEVEE, EEV,EEVEE, EEV, EEV EEV, EEVEE, EEV
There should be more quotation marks in both of the dialogues. Really, are you doing your best as a writer or is English not your first language?

There's a lot of minor punctuation and spelling errors that really made me want to rage on this absurd story.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ginalovespokemon View Post
EEVEE
Once apon a time there was an eevee, the eevee was born on a summer night in the kanto region.
It should be upon. Eevee should be capitalized, along with Kanto. There's an unnecessary comma where it should be replaced with a period with The capitalized. This is really infuriating me more.


I'm not going to say anymore, because I'm really angry with this story and it annoyed me so much. Overall, there's a LOT of spelling and punctuation errors spread across together. You are not trying hard in this story with how you are not presumably proofreading this story, since it has a lot of problems.

There's almost no problems in the present and past tenses in this story, that's one thing that surprises me. But you need to work on the punctuation, spelling, and very much, the grammar. It, along with the lack of spaces, really makes it frustrating to even look at and read.
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Last edited by Volcanix769; November 18th, 2012 at 07:25 AM.