Anyway, there are some more things Volcanix didn't pick up:
Generally, I found that a lot of things just sort of happen and there aren't many words that describe what's going on or how Steve thinks about all of this. It reads as a bit clunky and disjointed at times, so I'd suggest trying to give more of Steve's input into all of this. He doesn't really even have an opinion, so you should also try to write in more of his thoughts. There certainly is a lot of room to improve, so I hope you make progress as you continue to write.