The Checkers Story
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November 24th, 2012 (3:08 PM).
Join Date: Nov 2012
Originally Posted by
Yellow Silver Nostalgia
Try using longer sentences when you're not describing an action scene. Frequent punctuation suggests a rush, a panic, whereas longer sentences have a soothing effect. You've used short sentences throughout, and so there's no contrast of atmosphere to give the reader the feelings of excitement when the action is happening, although your use of dialogue is good. If you are going to go for one big action scene with lots of short sentences, then I suggest working with the present tense and cutting out the background and the future - leaving something for the reader's imagination is a great way to get them interested.
Neat story though. I would like to read about your concept of a Pokemon marriage, as well as a poison type Eeveelution.
Thank you! I will keep that in mind while writing my book. I love to write. I will get the Nucleon story out asap. I love this story it's really good. Thank you!
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