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Old December 19th, 2012 (08:03 PM).
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IceKing IceKing is offline
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
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Hey - thanks for that review bobandbill, it was really helpful! Also, you are a moderator in two fanfiction forums? Ain't that a conflict of interest or something??

I'll go through and make the changes that you suggested - and good pointing out how a lot of my sentences start off with personal pronouns. That's something I've been wary of in the past and that I lost sight of. This fic is completely posted in Serebii, but I'll look at it with more sentence by sentence as I continue posting it here. I think I need to apply the same strict eye to each sentence that I do when I write journalism articles (I work as a reporter - secret past time here) to these larger stories.

Glad you are enjoying it!

PS - Bloodsworth was the last name of a regular couple who were customers at this drug store I used to work at. I told them if I ever wrote a novel I'd have a character named after them.
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