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Old December 19th, 2012 (11:00 PM).
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bobandbill bobandbill is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central Coast - Australia
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Originally Posted by IceKing View Post
Hey - thanks for that review bobandbill, it was really helpful! Also, you are a moderator in two fanfiction forums? Ain't that a conflict of interest or something??

I'll go through and make the changes that you suggested - and good pointing out how a lot of my sentences start off with personal pronouns. That's something I've been wary of in the past and that I lost sight of. This fic is completely posted in Serebii, but I'll look at it with more sentence by sentence as I continue posting it here. I think I need to apply the same strict eye to each sentence that I do when I write journalism articles (I work as a reporter - secret past time here) to these larger stories.

Glad you are enjoying it!

PS - Bloodsworth was the last name of a regular couple who were customers at this drug store I used to work at. I told them if I ever wrote a novel I'd have a character named after them.
Actually I'm only listed as one sppf as I'm smod here and there (although I was assigned here beforehand and still post). And not really, haha. bringdownthesystembringdownthesystem

Also Bloodsworth is a very cool surname to have, haha. I can imagine going to people and introducing myself with that as a name...
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