Not at all. I like to help.
Perfectly reasonable. I don't mean to say you should beat the reader over the head with it, although I may have given that impression, I guess, given how long I spent talking about it. (That's just because I like to write down my thoughts, to be honest.) I just meant it might be nice to see it become a little more of a focus - not the sole focus, and not necessarily the main focus either, but more of one. It's a great excuse to pull off some neat techniques that you might not be able to do in other circumstances, and I guess because I would relish the chance to do that I got slightly carried away with it. I'm not here to force you to write the story the same way I would, just to suggest a couple of alterations.
Yes... It would have been great to realise that the Rattata we'd been reading about for the last however many chapters was a shiny, and we never knew it... There's still a chance, you know. You gave him a distinctive missing whisker - he could be the three-whiskered Rattata. Ah, never mind... I'm grasping at straws here.
Well, y'know, the more the merrier.
Yes, I can see that. And of course I know there was more to that first chapter than just introducing Ian, and I'm not saying you ought to cut out the part that comes after the reveal, but it would make a splendid ending, if you ever consider reworking it.
Thank youuuuu! <3
^_^ Not at all. Like I said, I like to help. I'm sorry I didn't make myself clearer about what I meant by the whole visual/aural description thing... I do have a tendency to get carried away, particularly when I'm on the scent of an unusual stylistic opportunity, and that's what happened here. You have my apologies for that, but, well, no harm done.
Good luck with your future endeavours!