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Old January 6th, 2013 (09:36 PM).
Phantom's Avatar
Phantom
Uh, I didn't do it
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Minnesota
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Nature: Brave
Welcome to Fanfiction and Writing. It looks like you're a fairly new member, so welcome!

First off, I noticed that there were quite a few grammatical mistakes in this. But the first thing that threw me off was the formatting. It's considered the 'standard' online format for fanfiction to put a full space in between each paragraph. This makes it easier to read online, otherwise it's a large block of text that can be hard to read.

For many of the grammar issues using a writing program, even something like Microsoft Word would help a ton, especially with the lower case 'i's

For now I won't go through the entire thing (perhaps someone else will), I suggest signing up for a beta at the Beta Place, it might help you out.
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