This doesn't seem like a complete chapter. The rules here state that chapters must be complete when being posted here, and since this is just a little part of a chapter, it doesn't fit under the rules.
If you want opinions on just this little bit, that could work under the Writer's Lounge. Or if you want opinions on the plot, you can post in the Plot Bunny thread. But right now, this doesn't fit the rules and there's not really a lot to comment on since this is right in the middle and we have no context. Also, it's difficult to tell if this is what your final product is going to look like.