I'm having trouble getting my screen caps up, so until I do, I'll have to update textually, and I'll put up the images when I can get them uploaded. Fair warning, without picture uploading working, I got incredibly bored and made my update rather... colourful. Long winded, bitingly sarcastic, incredibly fanfic-like... and colourful.
Am I a boy? Or a girl?
This earth shattering inquiry rendered me almost catatonic for ten minutes, but finally I regained my composure and sense of self and developed the insight and quick thinking that I needed to formulate an answer. I checked down my shirt and confirmed that I was, in fact, a girl. The next of these trials was not quite as harrowing, but nonetheless rather important. What was my name? This was of course the opportunity to rename myself however I wished. Given the nature of this challenge, surely it would be appropriate for me to name myself related to ghosts, the paranormal, the undead, the other side. Many dark and dreary names that call to mind thoughts and reminiscences about encounters with those beyond the veil called out to me, all eager to be used as my new moniker... I dismissed them all as cliche hogwash and named myself Muffins. Satisfying the bare minimum requirements for starting my journey, I set out from the moving van with high spirits, eager for my first task.
Said first task was to set my clock. Like a boss. I proceeded to do so before heading off to meet the neighbours at my mother's urging. You know, while she just sat there watching TV. She really ought to get out more, I mean, all that TV is probably why I wound up being named Muffins. So while my mother vegetated and watched Toddlers and Tiaras, I wandered off to meet the neighbours. The friend of my father's that I was supposed to meet wasn't there, and instead I got roped into talking to his wife, who immediately tried to set me up with their son... ew. By the time I had found my rape mace I had been ushered up into his room where, oddly, he wasn't present. Instead, I found a pokeball lying around in the middle of the room. Since it was the only interesting thing there, naturally, I tried to nick it. It was at this point that the boy stormed in, demanding that I get my hands off of his balls. Stop giggling. The conversation veered into small talk briefly when suddenly, the boy, Brendan, dropped this little gem.
"I wasn't expecting you to be a girl. When I heard that you were a talented gym leader's kid, I assumed you were a guy."
I'm not quite sure what, exactly, happened following that statement, I remember brief snippets of angry feminist ranting, maniacal laughter and mad ramblings about Y chromasomes. By the time I came to I was being instructed by Professor Birch to go and meet Brendan at Route 103 - god he's even worse than his wife - so he could "show me how to be a trainer"... ew. Also, for some inexplicable reason, I had a Mudkip named Goober under my care. ...I think maybe my mother's penchant for naming is hereditary.
Goober and I proceeded towards Route 103, slaughtering most anything in our path and only stopping to recuperate at a Pokemon Center was well as receive a complimentary Potion from a PokeMart clerk. How sweet. I then made my way up to see my sexist archnemesis. Surely this would be a harsh battle, Brendan has been raising his pokemon since he was young, and I have just gotten this Mudkip no more than twenty minutes ago, at most. It will be a hard, cruel battle to assert my place in what is appearantly a Man's World and a Man's World only.
About a minute later I was trying to figure out how this stuck up little boy has survived this long with a Treecko four levels lower than Goober. Regardless, I then had to backtrack all the way back home... it begs the question why I couldn't have just waited at home until Brendan came back... Oh yeah Mom would still be watching Toddlers and Tiaras. You know, maybe I should go for a walk. A walk far, far away. I'll just take this pokedex being shoved at me and use it as an excuse to get as far away from this hick town as possible. As I was leaving, my mother flagged me down, apparently wanting to give me... shoes or something. Whatever. Thanks Mom, go back inside and watch TV.
I had little patience for the trainers standing in my way, so when I could, I simply just waltzed on by (not literally mind you, that'd just be silly). I was resting in the pokemon center in Petalburg when I realised that this was the town my father was working in. Considering my father was a much more active figure in my life (at least he has WORK as an excuse to not be a part of it...), I figured I should drop in and say hello... and then kick the **** out of him with Goober. Priorities. Dad was glad to see me, and we had a nice little chat before some boy just barged in demanding a pokemon. ...not sure if I want to sound annoyed or d'aww... Appearantly he's actually sick and lonely and moving away, so I suppose I'll go with a d'aww.
Dad wanted me to escort the sick kid Wally while he caught a pokemon, and since he's the only parental figure I respect, I did. After I finished that up, I was eager to knock my old man down a peg. Unfortunately he wimped out, and told me I needed more badges first. Whatever, I'll just keep going towards the next gym. Goober took care of the few trainers I couldn't just walk past, mostly just a couple of stuck up rich twerps and a bug catcher with a couple of Nincada. Pff, I'll show him how to use Nincada. Upon making it to Rustboro I immediately set off to catch the first pokemon I'd need for my mono ghost type journey. As I said before: Nincada. I was in luck, it was the first pokemon I encountered. I managed to catch it immediately and with great reluctance named it Jimbo. (It appears that it won't respond to "The Great Jimbodini", too much for it to remember.) Goober's services were no longer required, so I sent it off into the PC to go become a Digimon. Goobermon. I like the sound of that... something that concerns me greatly.
Jimbo and I immediately threw ourselves into a training montage of Rocky proportions, unfortunately I could procure the rights to neither "Eye of the Tiger" or "You're The Best Around", so we instead level grinded to the inspiring song "Banana Phone". I doubled back and fought all of the trainers I had previously ignored, as well as caught two other Nincada as reserves, the breeding pair of Margie and Reggie. (Don't tell them they're a breeding pair though. They don't know yet. I plan to pull a Hojo and surprise them with it. : D)
By the time I was done training my future Shedinja army for Rustboro gym, Jimbo was an impressive level. ...the other two were far less impressive. But that's why they take point. Roxanne proved to be a particularly arduous opponent, generally because she kept making her pokemon curl up into the fetal position like little sobbing wusses. Just because I was throwing sand in their face, jeez. My invertebrae pokemon have more backbone than that. Somehow, both Margie and Reggie got flatted by a bawling Geodude, so Jimbo had to step in and show everyone who's boss. A few Hardens made the attacks of those big babies worthless, and a relentless, surgical application of Cuts and Leech Lifes brought both Geodude down. Beating up a pair of cowering rocks with butch arms appearantly made Jimbo figure out how to use Fury Swipes, and once he used up all of his Sand Attacks on Nosepass, he put them to work. It took a couple dozen slashes, but the giant Mario-nosed statue went down like the rest. Muffins One, Hoenn League DICK ALL, BABY!
The Great Jimbodini, Male Nincada at Level 15
Ability: Compound Eyes
Sir Reginald Barkley the Useless, Male Nincada at Level 9
Ability: Compound Eyes
Lady Margaret of South Thatcher Who Is Pretty Much Exactly Like Sir Reginald Barkley, Female Nincada at Level 9
Ability: Compound Eyes