Thread: One Year's Time
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Old January 29th, 2013 (3:24 PM).
Corvus of the Black Night's Avatar
Corvus of the Black Night Corvus of the Black Night is offline
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Gold TierCS
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: With the Birds
Age: 23
Gender: Other
Nature: Impish
Posts: 3,429
The last year was eventful.

I befriended a guy named Karl around September. Stuff didn't start getting interesting until around this time last year though. We were pretty close and we did this tag-team kind of thing on deviantART for fun. But then I started getting worried about myself - I've always perceived that something was wrong with me and was sick of this "you're just different" ******** from my parents, since I knew that not everyone's going to just see me in that way.

I found out later that Karl had AS, which made me worry about myself, since I saw a lot of similarities between him and I, so I kinda felt shameful. Eventually I sought the assistance of his mother, who was more than happy to expose me to the ASD subculture, and went and helped me get tested. I think that's the only beneficial thing she's really done for me.

After receiving the results, I was pretty depressed - positive. I didn't really know what to make of them. His mom told me that I had to hold myself back, I had to go to these seminars, I essentially had to become a part of this subculture, or else I would never be able to reach my full potential. At first I listened, but I didn't really do anything, since I didn't really see the benefit of attending seminars that concern things that I have already accomplished (such as learning to drive, getting a job, doing well in school).

However, after a while it became clear she was trying to impose limits on me and treat me like I was disabled, even though I had accomplished so much. I started to rebel against her, especially after she said some really dumb stuff ("You can't like Roller Coasters, you have autism!"). The tipping point between me and her was when I told him that he should learn how to drive, and she ripped the phone from his hands, and yelled at me because he's too "autistic" to learn how to drive, even though he just had mild aspergers and had explained to me that he was hesitant because he wasn't sure what to expect (and yes, having a friend help you out can help resolve that).

The relationship between me and Karl eventually died as well. He started to do nothing, and his stagnation worried me. However, he was an arrogant ******* about it, and would say that I was living my life wrong because I was "stressing myself out too much". I knew he was full of ****, but it didn't matter. I still tried to help him, until I met this guy named Kyle at the end of September. Kyle is blind but he's taking a ton of classes in college and has accomplished so much despite his much more impending disability. It wasn't even though the difference between the two that really destroyed it though.

A few weeks before I finally cut ties with Karl, I told him about Kyle, about how smart he is and stuff like that, and how I think Karl might like him a lot. Karl responded "Oh, I wouldn't like him".
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because he couldn't play the same games that I do".

I don't care what your problem is, if you're that shallow, if you're with friends for solely that reason, you're not worth my time.

In a drunken spurt, I called him out for his pansy-ass behaviour, and told him just how much of a loser he is. I told him that when his parents die that he will have nothing, nothing to put himself forward. And he told me "Well I hope the same for you". Would have actually had weight if I didn't actually define myself around my disabilities...

And now I'm in a bit of a weird maelstrom with Kyle. He's a nice guy but feels. You know. I don't think the fallout from anything that happens with him will be nearly as bad because unlike Karl, Kyle has a personality that's above the consistency of cardboard.

I think what I've learned is that no matter what your problems are, you define your own limitations. It's one thing to ask for help, it's another to incapacitate yourself. I also learned I absolutely loathe the subculture of parents with autistic children, because many of them are unfortunately like Karl's mom. Guess what? My parents had to deal with it too but they aren't enabling losers.
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