Thread: [Pokémon] It's a Crazy World
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Old February 12th, 2013, 08:59 PM
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Astinus
Remember NovEnder
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Connecticut, USA
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Don't worry. Posts won't merge unless posted very quickly in succession. You're fine.

The prologue is a slow start. I do like that you're explaining the whys of a Nuzlock in the story, with why trainers can only catch one Pokemon in an area because of population worries. What I mean by slow is that you're taking the time to explain the Nuzlock in the story all at once instead of letting the reader get to know Edmund a little more through his reactions.

But the first chapter is better with this. We get to see Edmund rush around to be a trainer and how he's willing to be a Pokemon trainer no matter what the world throws against him. He's even ready to take on an unconventional starter.

I do see what you mean by you not being used to writing dialogue. You're missing the punctuation before the closing quotation marks. Here's a guide about punctuating dialogue the can prove helpful.

Looking forward to more of this, to see how Edmund and Buren (as to their name meanings the only thing I can think of right now is artists) handle this Nuzlock challenge.
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