A Smell of Petroleum Pervades Throughout
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February 22nd, 2013 (3:01 AM). Edited February 22nd, 2013 by Cutlerine.
Gone. May or may not return.
The Misspelled Cyrpt
> so the eldritch cyndaquil appears.... That Thing, I choose YOU!!
> Try and get That Thing to extinguish the flames. He is a Totodile, after all. If he won't do that, hope he'll battle Eldritch Cyndaquil, rather than eat your face?
> If That Thing won't cooperate then douse the eldritch cyndaquil with your Half a Cup of Cold Coffee, if That Thing will then try and beat the monster till it is in a state where you can catch it.
Abruptly, you remember the Poké Ball in your hand. It may be about forty percent oil by now, but it's still got That Thing in it – and for that reason it's the best thing you can think of to hurl at the beast before you. You assume that the monster is the Eldritch Cyndaquil, which might give That Thing an advantage, but you also remember he doesn't know any Water-type moves. Still, you're really running out of options here, so you throw down the ball and That Thing appears in a burst of sickly light. It looks like the corrosion is starting to spread through the release mechanism.
Both monsters freeze. That Thing glances at the Eldritch Cyndaquil, then at you. Some ponderous thought is making its slow way through his head. You have no idea what it is, but you really, really hope it isn't 'which of these is easier to eat?'
The Cyndaquil snaps out of it first.
It brings its head up like an axe, swinging the bony jag at its tip straight into That Thing's neck; the Totodile roars in pain and rips himself free, staggering back a step and swinging his massive tail wildly. You take the opportunity to retreat a few steps, huddling down under the table and hoping that both monsters will forget about you until one or the other is dead. In an ideal world, this would happen before you passed out from smoke inhalation and burned to death, but right now you're willing to sacrifice a good deal to see one of these abominations finally destroyed.
That Thing has 100 Hit Points!
That Thing goes for the old favourite next, the face chomp; his huge teeth skitter across the exposed bone of the Cyndaquil's head without purchase, and the smaller Pokémon lets loose an unearthly chittering that sounds horribly like laughter. It looks like the attempt to chew its face has brought That Thing's face far too close to the smoking polyps on the Cyndaquil's back—
A sudden burst of flame engulfs the upper half of That Thing's head, and the smell of burning fish mingles with that of petrol and plastic; he screams, a horrible long loud sound that makes your ears bleed and your eyes water, and pulls away hurriedly, molten grey sludge pouring from beneath the folds and flaps of flesh that conceal his eyes.
melted his goddamn eyes.
That Thing drops to all fours, trying to put as much distance between himself and the Cyndaquil as he possibly can; he seems as scared as you are, wailing piteously as the other monster stalks towards him. His limbs apparently aren't doing what he wants them to; his legs keep sliding out from underneath him, and his tail waves from side to side, smashing holes in the walls and floor in blind panic.
That Thing has 88 Hit Points!
For the first time, you take the time to look at the Cyndaquil properly, and you realise with a terrible sinking feeling that it isn't Level 5.
It's Level 10, and you find yourself wondering how much experience an Eldritch Chikorita would give you.
You suspect it would be an awful lot.
That Thing blunders straight into the flames and recoils sharply, screaming again; he might be a Water-type, but water can be boiled – and judging by the grey-green steam hissing out of the holes in his head and neck, that's what's happening inside him right now. As he staggers back, moaning and thrashing in agony, the Cyndaquil is suddenly behind him, burying its head in his flank and wrenching hard—
You close your eyes and look aside as the Totodile shrieks. You've seen enough to know that there's no way That Thing can win this. All you can do now is run while the Cyndaquil's distracted.
That Thing has 29 Hit Points!
> Use That Thing in battle, and then run a distance away to see if escape from these horrors is possible.
> Hold your breath, and get the hell outta there. If the door is blocked by debris or whatever, then there has to be windows, right? I mean, it's a house! What kind of a house has no windows?
You turn around and crawl out from under the table, on the other side. A brief glance around the room reveals a couple of windows, one of which that looks like it's in the process of being melted by the unnatural heat of the green fires. The other seems to have shattered with one or other of the screams and roars the two Pokémon behind you have produced, and looks mostly clear.
You run towards it and don't look back.
As soon as you straighten up, smoke engulfs your head, sending questing tendrils to reach down your throat and choke you; you hold your breath and move on.
Something slaps wetly against the floor, and That Thing gives a weak moan, but you don't look back.
You're by the broken window, and glass crunches beneath your feet, slicing through your shoeless right foot; the smoke whirls dizzily and the flames crackle hungrily and
something is chewing behind you
but you refuse to look back.
And up, and your hands are cut to ribbons by bits of glass and the smoke is pouring past you in nauseating waves and That Thing is still crying out even as the chewing continues but there is no way, no way in hell that you are looking back.
And then it's over. You're standing outside the house, by the main path. Smoke is pouring from the windows, and all you can hear is the devouring hiss and snap of flames as they and their master feast inside.
Othodox is Slightly Wounded!
To the north is Elm's Pokémon lab.
To the south is a Flaming Townhouse.
To the east is another house, and the sea.
To the west is the exit to Route 29.
There is a signpost here.
There is a partially-devoured corpse here.
The Thinking Man's Guide to Destroying the World
The Rocket Case
The Rocket Revival
Neither Here Nor There
Coriolanus Rowland's Guide to Pokémon Husbandry
Robin Goodfellow's Christmas Carol
Stranger Than Fiction
My Trip to the End of Time, by Pearl Gideon
A Smell of Petroleum Pervades Throughout
For information about A Grand Day Out, a bizarre short story in video game form, click
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