A Smell of Petroleum Pervades Throughout
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February 22nd, 2013 (11:32 AM).
Gone. May or may not return.
The Misspelled Cyrpt
> Run! Run like to he nearestt PC, withdrawour pokemon, and witcdraw your strongest pokemon! Or else you'll die!
> Well, you'll need a pokemon centre to withdraw pokemon from, so I suggest first reading the signpost, and then going towards the sea, and the other house. You probably can't swim, but there'll definitely be something interesting in the house. Also, what's with the partially-devoured corpse?
You really didn't need to be told to run.
You are limping away from that house as fast as you possibly can, leaving half a set of bloody footprints in the grass and wholly focused on getting the
away from the monster in the house behind you. It is the single most terrifying thing you have ever seen in your entire life, and you were there when the red Gyarados went on the rampage at the Lake of Rage. That Thing is quite big, so it might take it a while to eat it, but taking risks with the Cyndaquil is the very last thing you want to do right now.
If the voices in your head had been paying more attention, they would have noticed that there
a connection to the Box network nearby – in Professor Elm's lab, no less. His work naturally demands that he be able to transfer Pokémon around the nation, since he is engaged in Vital Research (or was, before he and everyone else here disappeared).
As this fact comes back into your head, you pause and grin. Oh
. Screw running. You can just waltz over to the PC, grab Chompy
and come on back for some vengeance. It might be able to take down That Thing, but you'd love to see the Eldritch Cyndaquil take on six of Johto's finest at full strength.
You positively swagger back into Elm's lab, and stride down the aisle with an air of supreme confidence. This is only slightly dented by the visible blanching of your face as you pass the puddle of vomit, and you reach the PC with your features carefully rearranged into an expression of calm power. (You learned that one from Lance. Honestly. Give a man a handful of dragons and he thinks he's God's gift to the world.)
Dropping comfortably into Elm's seat, you thumb the power button and wait for the computer to boot up. It takes a moment, but soon enough—
Access to Laboratory Boxes restricted.
You stare at the screen, unable to quite believe the extent of the Narrator's malicious nature. Seriously? He put you through hell, he got your only Pokémon eaten alive, he let you come all this way with such high hopes, and now...?
You slump in the chair, head hung. No Pokémon. It looks like you're on your own.
Well, all right. You took out That Thing on your own, didn't you? And sure, he was weaker than the Cyndaquil, but still. You weren't even expecting any eldritch abominations when he turned up, and you managed.
You may well have a chance, if you play your cards right.
And so far, 'playing your cards right' has meant examining and looting absolutely everything, so doing that seems to be a pretty good idea.
You head back out of the lab and investigate that signpost. It reads, as it always has:
NEW BARK TOWN
PH'NGLUI MGLW'NAFH CTHULHU R'LYEH WGAH'NAGL FHTAGN
You blink, and read it again.
NEW BARK TOWN
THE TOWN WHERE WINDS OF A NEW BEGINNING BLOW
Huh. You must have imagined it.
Next up, you investigate the corpse. It's just about as near to the Flaming Townhouse as you care to go, and it looks like it was mutated, burned and eaten, not necessarily in that order. It also looks like, underneath all that, it was once something more recognisable.
Looks like you found the Eldritch Chikorita. No prizes for guessing who got to it first.
The Cyndaquil must have killed it while you were in the house looting things. You wonder why you didn't hear it, and decide it must have been at the point that you were trying to tip over the refrigerator to see if there was anything behind it. There wasn't, but it did make a good noise.
Actually, now you think about it, that noise was probably what attracted the Cyndaquil's attention. You resolve to loot more stealthily from now on. No less enthusiastically – but definitely a bit more sensibly.
You creep quietly east to the bay, squeezing an uncomfortable amount of blood from your foot as you do so, and investigate to see if there's anything worth taking here. Everything looks pretty much as it normally does: cliffs, trees, sea. There's not much of interest here, but you do decide to pause and pull the shards of glass out of your foot and hands.
Othodox found some Glass Shards! Othodox put the Glass Shards in the Items Pocket.
Othodox is Slightly Wounded and Losing Blood!
Ouch. It feels better, but you aren't exactly in tip-top condition right now. You wish you'd thought to get your shoe back from That Thing before sending him to his death. Although how willing he would have been to relinquish it is a matter of some conjecture.
You consider swimming across the channel to Kanto, then dismiss the idea as stupid. You aren't a strong swimmer, and the waves here are powerful; you have no desire to be smashed into a cliff, knocked out and drowned. It sounds like a more comfortable death than being burned and eaten alive, as has befallen the Eldritch Cyndaquil's last two victims, but at least in New Bark you're only In Direst Peril, while in the sea you would probably be Facing Certain Death.
There remains only one place in town that you haven't checked yet: the house south of your own. Given what happened last time you entered a house, you're a little wary about going in, but you don't seem to have many other options, and leaving any location unlooted is unthinkable. You've never really done much looting before, beyond rummaging through people's trash (and let's face it, that's so much less glamorous that it doesn't even deserve to be called looting) and you're quite enjoying being able to walk into people's houses and steal everything that isn't nailed down.
You enter the house in a state of excited trepidation and take a swift, silent tour of its valuables.
Othodox found one Bulging Wallet! Othodox put the Bulging Wallet in the Financial Pocket.
Othodox found some Lava Cookies! Othodox put the Lava Cookies in the Medicine Pocket.
Othodox found one Rare Bone! Othodox put the Rare Bone in the Items Pocket.
Othodox found one Packet of Sticking Plasters! Othodox put the Packet of Sticking Plasters in the Medicine Pocket.
Where did all these extra pockets on your Bag come from, again? The damn thing looks like a bunch of balloons with all of them attached like that.
The Thinking Man's Guide to Destroying the World
The Rocket Case
The Rocket Revival
Neither Here Nor There
Coriolanus Rowland's Guide to Pokémon Husbandry
Robin Goodfellow's Christmas Carol
Stranger Than Fiction
My Trip to the End of Time, by Pearl Gideon
A Smell of Petroleum Pervades Throughout
For information about A Grand Day Out, a bizarre short story in video game form, click
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