Pokemon Chocolate Green
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March 6th, 2013 (9:22 PM).
Semi-pro Game Dev
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Lincoln, NE
Your maps appear to be
too empty, and you use tiles mismatched with the overworld sprites, and a mix of different clashing sprites in battle scenes(Though you say they're placeholders, I would STRONGLY recommend dealing with this graphical issue as soon as you can).
Additionally, your synopsis seems rushed and hard to understand:
It all happened a long time ago, when Dr. Pine was a little boy. A mysterious disaster is happening to the region, even worse than turmoil. Perhaps this has something to do with the attack on legendary Pokémon. For years, the mountains break up and the plants overgrow, causing pollution and suffering. Who would cause such an attack that would do such a things?
You're mixing verb tenses. Has this been going on since Dr. Pine was a little boy, or was that what happened when he was a little boy?"Even worse than turmoil" does little to describe the situation, as turmoil isn't a single event. This attack on legendary Pokemon sounds intriguing, and considering there's very little to go on otherwise, maybe you should focus in on describing that? How does some erosion and plant life growing cause pollution or suffering?
Years later, a new Pokémon League was being created, and it is up to you, a Trainer from Grazure, to investigate the region, battle trainers, and become a Pokémon Master.
So how does this happen, then? Does investigating the region, battling trainers, and the generic League stuff happen in the present, or is still the past? It says a Pokemon League WAS being created. Is this underway, or is it complete when the player begins to act upon the storyline?
You meet Pine's assistant, Mona, and recieve your starter Pokémon, you then meet up with a Mysterious Boy who challenges you to a battle. Mona, impressed, gives you a Pokedex and PokeBalls. After catching 10 different species of Pokémon, you set out on your journey and meet Dr. Pine, who gives you the PokéGear.
Firstly, why does Mona give the player a starter Pokemon? Is this a prearranged setup? Why do you need 10 different species of Pokemon to set out? Why doesn't Dr. Pine meet you himself, and why does he give you a PokeGear? What does it do in your story?
A lot of these questions can be summed up with: "Why?" What motivation does the player have to play your game?
Additionally, is English not your first language? It can be a difficult one to learn, but presentation is everything. Either way, I'd go back and refine your story idea and proofread your dialogue. You've got potential, and hopefully by going back and taking your time, you can make a better game.
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