Thread: [Pokémon] [creepypasta] TeachyTV
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Old April 3rd, 2013 (08:12 PM).
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Hi there! Interesting read you've got here. :3

I'm just going to quickly highlight the things I noticed.

Quote originally posted by Crimson0191:
I left without buying a single item, but feeling quite disapointed not being able to buy any gba games. ... I was browsing through these games, looking at all sorts of, normal games if I may say so myself, my eyes were fixed on the pokemon games, although many mario and sonic games also were laying there.
You capitalized GBA in another sentence, so definitely be consistent with that sort of stuff.

Quote originally posted by Crimson0191:
I didn't want to leave these games behind so I bought the whole box for a meer £20. Once I got home, I had allready told myself I would play one of these games. I had a look inside, and once again, it was one of the pokemon games that caught my eye. I picked it up, and it looked like it was a copy of pokemon fire red, but it had no label, except for a square labelled in black marker pen. I din't understand what it ment at first, but I do now.
Quote originally posted by Crimson0191:
Maybe that's why I kept playing. I knew there was something wrong with the game allready, wether it was just a hack, or if it was just a bug. I had no beliefs in haunted gaming at the time, which was my downfall. I played like normal choosing squirtle as my starter. I continued playing untill I reached viridian city, where things got weird.
Cities, names, Pokemon.. these things should be capitalized.

Quote originally posted by Crimson0191:
There were no other npc's though. This game was indefinately different to the original fire red, but I was curious, and nosy, just human instincts I guess. ... Then, I was alloud to move, although no action was happening. ... He disapeared, leaving a small tv.
Quote originally posted by Crimson0191:
I noticed that a cutscene was happening, in which the box had some kind of spirit face, like spiritomb from the fourth generation set. I decided it was probably necesary to turn up the volume to see if alongside the new action, if there was any new music. I was wrong. As soon as the volume went up, a very high pitched screaming noise came from the gameboy, causing me to drop the gameboy, and the game cartage came flying out.
Cut scene is two words and, while cartage isn't misspelled, I think you meant cartridge.

Quote originally posted by Crimson0191:
Wether it was curiosity, or the game haunting me, I did not know, or care. ... I found my charecter moving by itself towards the box. Then the lights came on, and thats when i was shocked to find many npc's with no facial features staring towards my charecter, many of them had blood dripping from their eyes.
Quote originally posted by Crimson0191:
I then found my eyes litereally glued to my gameboy, with no way of leaving. ... He told me to run up, run down, and do all kinds of things before sending me back to veruleun city. Another text box appeared, which said, "kill all those you see." He had doomed me to kill npc's. I thought my life was over. The gameboy had possesed me. I had to see blood, pouring from the necks of inocent people, and it seemed so realistic, I just watched, and watched as I killed and killed. Oh if I didn't have a girlfriend I would still be watching people die, and so much blood. It was monday evening when she found me, bloodshot and starving. I owe my life to her. Oh brother, I hope you will enjoy your time in America, but please remember your little brother, he allways misses you. I understand if you don't believe me, after all, opinions are what drives us forward in life.

- Yours faithfully, Isaac.
I think you meant either Viridian or Cerulean.. either way it needs to be capitalized.

There are still issues with this beyond the errors I have highlighted for you, but I think it'll be beneficial to correct the small things first before moving on. Definitely make sure you check and double check your spelling and punctuation, because it's those little errors that can throw off the feel of an entire piece. Nevertheless, good job and good luck! :)
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