The Rainbow Connection [LGBTS Club]
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April 9th, 2013 (2:45 PM).
Originally Posted by
Oh geez, what in the world did I start?
ANYWAYS IGNORING BLUSH INDUCING DISCUSSIONS
I am freaking the **** out. Like. I'm twitching. Seriously. Freaking. Complete like, anxiety hooplah and a 'holy****holy****' mantra.
So... I've been very open here, which is great and all. Real life? Well, I keep myself to myself usually and don't bring things up.
You might remember me mentioning that I've been dating this amazing woman who I am totally twitterpated with. It's been months now... and honestly, I can see this being a very long term thing. I mean, I'm not being all crazy and stuff, but honestly, barring something pretty nasty happening or something, I can really see myself in the long run with her. It's been four, almost five, months, which is already in and of itself a fairly decent amount of time.
And I've been keeping it secret that entire time save for my few select friends. They've been awesome about it, even the ones I was nervous about.
But family is another story. My parents... yeah.
First, my father. He has a temper. A very strong temper, one that I had issues with growing up and is the reason I was more than happy to quit college and move out at eighteen. He is very against anything, I repeat ANYTHING having to do with LGBT. They have a very nice lesbian couple living across the street. Very nice people. The things he says about them though... I think I have scars on my tongue from biting it.
My mother... knows. Or at least she should know that I am not exactly straight. I think most people here know my 'coming out story'; if it could be called that. She is in denial. Has been for years. She will not speak of it. Worst part is... she loves kids. She wanted a big family, but she had cancer and could not have more kids, leaving her with just me. She's always ranting about how much she wants grandchildren. She even goes to joke that I should just 'find a guy' and then she'd take care of the child. I'm not joking. Yes, I see it's wrong too, but there's a sadness to it. Thing is... it's not exactly the easiest thing in the world for a same sex couple to have kids... at least I'm pretty sure biology doesn't work like that. I think this is what would devestate her the most. (Yes I know there are other ways, but you know what I'm talking about.)
My grandma I know would be sad, but she wouldn't hold it against me. (I seriously love my gran)
My mom is the one I'm most terrified of. Her best friend recently came out in a rather... different fashion. Her husband cheated on her with her sister. She has three kids. They divorced. Shortly after the divorce and getting a life again she came out. My mother had a fit. She said it felt gross to talk to her, and that she almost didn't want to anymore. And 'prayed' for her non stop.
But for some reason, my mom pulled through. She and this friend have known each other since I was four. She said she wasn't going to give up one of her oldest friends for something like that. Which is promising.
But I want a pair of ears for advice. So I messaged this friend of my mother's on facebook. Not telling her what was going on, but to tell her I had to tell her something, that must be kept between us at all costs. Perhaps this friend can ease my mom into the idea, or help her out. I know my mom values her as a friend, as a sister, so this might be a way to help make the steps to finally telling her the straight up truth.
Either way. It's wrong to keep my girlfriend in the dark from the rest of my life, and it's going to come out. I'm just trying to set up a process. If this friend of my mom blabs now, I'm possibly ruined. (I mean my mom knows, but her state of denial is like she's wearing rose colored contacts that were lasered into her eyeballs, I swear.)
I'm crossing my fingers and hoping trust prevails. **** please let me not regret making this step. It's like pretty much my relationship with my small family unit is being held over a fire. Either this woman can be trusted, or not, or she refuses to with hold info and I have to find a way to tell them myself.
Either way I'm twitchy.
Good luck. Seriously, all the luck in the world to you please.
I am currently fretting over whether or not I should do the same thing (tell my family) but it seems like your mom already knows so that's a head start I guess.
Joined May 2011
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