Thread: [Pokémon] Lucario's Mission : Beginnings
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Old April 11th, 2013, 10:44 PM
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Astinus
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: Connecticut, USA
Age: 27
Gender: Male
It's been a while not only since I reviewed your fic, but also since you asked me for some help. I've been busy. Besides, it's easier for me to show you what I meant by narration with an example from your story. I'm going to pull one from your most recent chapter, since it stood out to me.

Quote:
"What?! N-no! Of course not, my lord!"
"Remind me, who's in charge?"
"Why, you, my lord!"
"And what are you?"
"Your servant…"
"And if I tell you to do something?"
"I must do it instantly…"
"Otherwise?"
"E-execution…"
"That's right! Glad you know how things work around here! Hahaha!" Murry laughed.
Here's how it is in your story right now. But if we add in some narration (along with proper paragraph spacing!), we could have:

Quote:
"What?! N-no! Of course not, my lord!" The servant stepped back from his leader.

"Remind me, who's in charge?"

"Why, you, my lord!"

"And what are you?" Lord Murray demanded, his pincers snapping shut to punctuate his question.

The servant bowed his head. "Your servant…"

"And if I tell you to do something?"

"I must do it instantly…"

"Otherwise?"

The rest of the servants stepped away from their lone fellow. They didn't want any part of this. They knew what the answer was, didn't want to hear it spoken out loud.

"E-execution…"

"That's right! Glad you know how things work around here! Hahaha!" Murry laughed.
It's not just dialogue being bounced back and forth. The reader can get a basic image in their mind of who's talking and what they're doing while talking. There's even a mention of the surroundings, since this scene doesn't just have Murray and one servant Pinsir. There's a group of them watching this, and they can react to what they're seeing and hearing.

When you're writing, try to keep this in mind. Who's in the scene and what are they doing in it? They're not just standing around talking. They're talking, but they're reacting to what's being said or moving around to show their characterization. Like Murray snapping his pincers shut to display his power over his servants, or the servant cowering because he's afraid. As I said, there's more than just Murray and the servant in the scene. You should try to keep everyone in mind, or at least the important characters if the rest don't need that much focus on them.

The example that I wrote up is very basic. Writers tend to have different ideas of what's a good amount of description to have, and how to write it. (I wouldn't recommend trying to write the way I do! Definitely not!) But the idea is there. You just have to remember that your characters don't just talk. They feel and move to show their feelings.

Right now, I'm not going to go over how to describe Pokemon battles. Those are a whole explanation on their own, and I don't want to give you so much information to try and work on.

I hope this helps in some way. If you need any clarification or even want to send me some work where you try this so I can help you some more, feel free to send me a PM.
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