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April 22nd, 2013 (03:37 PM).
With Quiet Courage
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: In between Heaven and Earth
I really miss how things were last year. We used to be like this *crosses fingers* and now every time I see you I /am/ crossing me fingers in hopes that you'll let me settle things so my conscious isn't bugging me about how I left my friendship with you at odd ends. To be honest, you were rude to me all of the times I tried to speak to you but I guess that is you trying to compensate.
I've heard about the different things going on with you from different people and I know you are going through hard times. I want to say: "Hope it all goes well," but to be honest, I don't see that happening and even then I wouldn't truly mean it.
I've never met you before but I still feel that late at night you feel the same way about me: always wishing things had been different. You might not even know I exist but I ask myself "If I had known you, how would my life had been different." I can't really say life would have been better but I can't know until I try. Really, I just want the chance for you to be in my life just to compensate for missed years. I guess I don't miss /you/, seeing as I've never know you, but I miss the idea of you. Regardless I wish you peace on Earth where you reside if it is deserving.
I miss you daily and often things can go haywire when we do speak but I do know that you don't mean any of it to cause harm. You have certain ways about your lifestyle I dislike and I know as a fact that it just won't work. I really wish you could have been different in that manner but if that were the case then you might not be yourself. Our relationship is... complex and probably best left alone but I know that I couldn't manage for a while without you at my side for support because even if your presence brings disaster, I feel I can conquer it with you at my side.
My final Anonymous,
I really wish you wouldn't anger easily, even when I state facts. I recently read a book which stressed the theme "You can't repeat the past." Honestly I wish you would accept me for who I am at least until we are no longer in the same household but I see now that this request is too much to ask for. You are opposed to change and opposed to not being in control which can be admirable at times but quite often it turns out to be a nuisance. You are family to me by blood but often I feel (and hope) it is the opposite. I don't know if my feelings for my hatred are misplaced but I do know that you are the cause of some of it. Maybe if we were different people but honestly I don't see us as capable of remaining in contact with each other as soon as we become independent of each other.
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