Pokemon: Journeys through Novia [M]
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May 31st, 2013 (04:59 AM).
The Lightning Rod of Hate
Join Date: May 2012
Okay since your new I'm going to be fairly thorough to help you improve.
- Try to write proper paragraphs instead of writing sentences below each other in a list format. You may think it makes it look longer but it doesn't really help at all.
- You have the general Gist of this one but you need to a little more detail (try reading mine from the first page or Red's Hawt Chibi Pelippers' from the page before this).
- You have got some good personality traits there but you need to put them together and be a little bit more detailed to really create a unique and interesting character. Use those traits and build his personality around them rather than just listing them.
- Think of Who, What, When, Where, Why and How. Explain events further including how your character felt and how it affected him.
- No complaints here.
"Hewn from Rock"
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Also Known As:
GP, Gimme, Pie
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