View Single Post
May 31st, 2013, 09:12 PM
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Castelia City
Alright, this is looking a lot better than before. Some of the sprites could use tweaking, but the grammar is much better.
Here are a few things that could use adjustment:
"Maple: I was out of the region for my studies, when your family shifted here."
"shifted" may be technically correct, but I would say "moved" instead.
"Is there something you want to tell me dear?"
There's a continuation, add a comma after "me".
"I heard some strange people talking about Lunar and Solar energy, When I was on my..."
The comma doesn't belong there, because it's in the middle of a though that's ongoing, not at a pause. "When" also should not be be capitalized, as it is not a new sentence.
I'm stoping everyone from harvesting the..."
Misspelled "stopping". Two p's.
Hope this helps!
View Public Profile
Send a private message to IceGod64
Find all posts by IceGod64
Find threads started by IceGod64
Ignore Posts by IceGod64