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June 4th, 2013 (7:53 AM).
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Nomnom Town
Finally, a dark alternate story that doesn't involve Ash being in a coma. And, it's much more logical.
Well written. I'm impressed. Though, from some of your other works I've read, I expect nothing less.
My only critique, and it's slight, is that this didn't feel as tragic as it should have. I mean, the memory of your son walking off in the world with a small mouse and not coming back . . . she should be falling with he back sliding down the wall, failing to hold back the tears rushing down her face. She let her 10 year-old son walk into a world he was unaware of with a Pokemon that didn't fully respect or listen to him. She saw the signs.
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