The Man Behind the Desk
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June 16th, 2013, 04:32 AM
Where's that sheep...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central Coast - Australia
A party-less life is indeed a sad one. :<
I liked the sense of hope Connor had as he waited and daydreamed there. It helped the impact of the ending there. I also agree with Astinus that you should write more. =p
I do also agree that using the clothing as a way to refer to characters is a bit odd. Sometimes you repeated phrases too (e.g. the man behind the desk twice early on), and the Charlemagne/Charles bit seemed a bit unnecessary.
He placed the folder on Charlemagne’s table and said, “There you are Charles.”
Should have a comma before Charles, as he's being addressed by name there.
The way the stamps were placed makes it impossible to see what is written on them which
I'd say made it impossible (rather than makes), and remove the last which.
Sheep in the Big City: General Specific
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