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June 16th, 2013 (10:26 PM).
Originally Posted by
This was a neat concept and well explored, I felt, Astinus. I think it'll work well as a set up of your AU.
Aw, thanks! That's reassuring to hear. There are still some finer details I have to figure out, but the basis of the world is there.
Damn that Gary Oak!
Gary Oak keeps demanding that I write about him. How can I deny him?
I agree in part with dudebot's point about her reaction to visiting his room and thinking about his death. I feel that a bit more emotion could have been had there, but I do agree that the dull pain feeling makes sense if it's a good year and so after, and I don't think a sliding down the wall and crying reaction is quite the extent to reach (and perhaps a bit too cliché?). It could also take away from the flashbacks/thoughts about Ash as well, in a way. My thoughts anyways, each to their own I suppose.
I will admit that I was focusing more on Delia's thoughts over her emotions in this. And yeah, an excuse for that is that this takes place a year-and-a-half since Ash died. But as I told dudebot, I'll keep this in mind when I revisit this story to see how it will fit as part of a larger chapter.
I don't recall too much about the anime, but I think that Ash hadn't know what Ho-oh was when he saw it? Although this can be ignored in favour of this being an AU story, of course.
I just tossed that bit of canon right out the window!
Actually, the way I have it, knowledge about everything up to Generation 5 is well-known. It just seems really odd to have characters not know what some species of Pokemon are. I do have one character who was raised on stories of all the legendaries (especially Ho-Oh) and prays to Uxie, even though the character is from Hoenn. It just makes more sense than characters from Kanto only knowing Kanto Pokemon or some such.
And yes, AU. :D
Cheers for the review!
Joined May 2006
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