The Beta Thread (3.0)
View Single Post
June 30th, 2013 (4:44 PM).
Mega Ampharos is the one.
Title of Story:
Temporarily entitles "Conspiracy"
Eighteen-year old Lawrence Herman finally decided (or was pushed?) to become a Pokemon Trainer after dropping out college. With his father's advice, Lawrence will undergo the most grueling journey his life would ever go on to. However, unseen forces lurk in every corner as friends turn to enemies, enemies turn to allies, and old legends brought back to life. With a few help along the way, Lawrence will understand what it takes to become the Pokemon Master.
Rating (PG, R, etc):
Type of mentor needed:
Comprehensive with focus on Grammar.
Writing sample of story:
“Swim!” Max swam faster, feeling Gyarados on a mad chase behind us. I spotted a bunch of rocks protruding from underwater somewhere in front of us. “Max, to the rocks and quickly!” I screamed urging my Pokémon to go faster. Another Gyarados emerged from underwater. This one I could tell is a new one; its scales were a deep-red in color. I had no time to appreciate the fact that I saw a shiny Gyarados as it sent out a Hydro Pump in our direction. Max managed to evade it by diving underwater, bringing me with him. I felt my lungs tighten but Max quickly beached into the rocks. I jumped from my Pokémon’s back. “Shoxx, out!” I threw another Pokeball and the fourth member of my team appeared. If I am going to battle, I need to utilize the type advantage. “Shoxx, Thunderbolt! Max, Focus Blast!” Long term attacks would hold the two Pokémon away from us, eliminating the risk of close-combat injuries, or my Pokémon being hit by a randomly thrown attack. I like to keep things under my control.
Both attacks hit the second Gyarados, simply because it is nearer. I heavily relied on Shoxx’ Wild Charge to deal out the bulk of the damage as I knew that Max’ Focus Blast would not do much damage. It only serves as a distraction. The shiny Pokémon sent out another Hydro Pump but it went wide as it was hit by another barrage of attacks. “Keep it up!” I willed the shiny Pokémon to faint as the first Gyarados was slowly approaching. I could not deal with two Pokémon at once, especially if they are fully-grown and angry Gyarados. The first Gyarados sent out a Hyper Beam which hit the rocks behind us. Luckily, the shiny Gyarados fell as the first one entered our attacking distance. “Switch targets!” Max and Shoxx sent their attacks again but the Gyarados dove underwater. I knew immediately what I had to do. “Max, Surf!” Max entered the water again but, instead of swimming, dove underwater. A few moments of tense watching later, Max reappeared riding a huge wave. He managed to upturn this part of the lake upside down, and I could see the shiny Gyarados, more Gyarados, and other Pokémon being washed away by the attack. I let out a huge sigh of relief as Max swam back towards us. I started to forget how strong my Pokémon could actually get.
Other: I've written 6 chapters of the story already, although I am needing a second opinion regarding things. Also, grammar is my weakest point in writing.
I am a Roleplayer
...and I am
Lanistae Jacet [Lies of a Trainer]
Joined May 2010
Also Known As:
View Public Profile
Send a private message to miltankRancher
Visit miltankRancher's homepage!
Find all posts by miltankRancher
Find threads started by miltankRancher
Ignore Posts by miltankRancher