View Single Post
  #2    
Old July 1st, 2013 (06:02 AM).
bobandbill's Avatar
bobandbill bobandbill is offline
I'M AN ANGRY SCIENTIST!!
Super Moderator
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central Coast - Australia
Gender: Male
Nature: Jolly
Posts: 10,230
Interesting choice of dates/events to use for the story, I'll grant you that. Wonder if someone just teleported away the posters though The concept is intriguing, and might have potential in a larger story too.

I do feel that a bit more could have been made about the mystery behind the posters. For instance a bit more setting up of the mood of reaction to the posters rather than just statements that group a said this, group b said that.

A few other notes.
Quote:
It has been two weeks since the ‘teleportation device’ poster phenomena have occurred.
I think the quotes there could be dropped, and there's a latter case where you used " rather than ' as well, so a touch of inconsistency there.
Quote:
However, the media claims that there had been no witnesses of whoever was putting up those posters, even false claims were nonexistent
Run on sentence here. Probably a point where some more expansion into the mood as mentioned above could go. (E.g. how did people react to the media reports?)
Quote:
now more popularly dubbed as “TD posters.”
Besides the quotation mark point made above, I think the full stop should go outside of them.
__________________
Reply With Quote