Oh, I didn't know there was a club like this. It's also good to know that I'm not the only trans person here--I was a bit scared of that. I actually joined this forum a long time ago, but I never posted that much. I have made some attempts now and then to return, but never for very long. Honestly, I wasn't much into Pokemon anymore during those times, so that probably contributed to my leaving. For whatever reason, I've recently gotten into Pokemon again. Specifically, nuzlocke challenges.
Anyway, I was born with a male body. I never identified as male, though. I grew up not understanding how I could feel one way on the inside and have the opposite body. I thought there was something wrong with me for many years. Keep in mind that I come from a tiny town in central Minnesota and my family is catholic. I was sheltered. I didn't even know what that being transgender was a thing until I was 15. I tried to be a guy off and on as I grew up. Even after breaking down and crying about being a girl a number of times.
Then hormones kicked in and made everything about a thousand times worse. I found that my body was changing in ways I hated. On top of that, I realized that I liked girls. Now, this is where I lose a lot of people, so I'm going to try to explain this the best that I can. By the time I realized that I liked girls, I had accepted in my heart that I was a girl and there was nothing I could do about it. I tried and failed to be a guy. The fact that I had to try at all was a red flag. I could accept being a girl, despite it all, but being gay? Being gay and trans felt like it was too much. I couldn't handle it.
I struggled with coming out as trans until I was 26 when I finally did it. I also struggled with being a lesbian for just as long. Still, I came out as a lesbian the same time as coming out as trans. Even now, I have issues with being gay. I can't find myself being proud of being trans or gay. It's just been a hard time. For some people I tell this to, they don't understand how it could be hard for me to accept that I like girls. I was born male, right? That makes it easy. No. No, it doesn't. We're not even talking about my internal conflicts with being gay. Hell, I've had friends accept I was trans, but then stop talking to me when I told them I was a lesbian. My mother also thinks that my homosexuality is a phase. One day I'll wake up and realize I liked men all along. Yeah, right.
I've had my share of relationships with men. I am panromantic, so I almost like them, but without that sexual spark, it can be hard. It's not impossible, mind you, but it's hard. I've had guys dump me when it finally started to sink in that I didn't want to have sex with them. Or they get paranoid about me cheating on them with a woman, which is silly because women don't show any interest in me. Just guys. Frustrating.