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Old August 6th, 2013, 07:58 PM
darkpokeball's Avatar
darkpokeball
Beware the Chainsaw Meowth 0.o
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: In your nightmares
Title of Story: ATLA: Omens
Fandom: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Plot summary: After visiting a spiritual place, a boy named Aang that was the bridge between the mortal and spirit worlds, recieves a premonition of an event that could lead to his friends and loved ones dying.
Genre: Fantasy/Adventure
Rating (PG, R, etc): PG, just to be safe.
Type of mentor needed: Comprehensive
Writing sample of story:
Spoiler:


There was the grass. Wet with morning dew, reflecting therays of the sun as it rose. The air was cold, but the early hour was just whatthe girl needed. A small river flowed from one end of the grassy field into asmall lake at the other end. Pink flowers sprouted, often given to loved ones.The scene was docile, undisturbed. The girl felt empowered by the sereneness ofthe field, a warm feeling in her body despite the frigid air. She walked to theriver, and simply stopped before taking a breath. Then, a small area of theriver began to behave differently. It spun around itself before leaving theriver itself and hanging, suspended in thin air. The orb of water lost a fewdrops, before moving with the girl. Her hands commanded the aquatic substanceand it wished to follow her flowing movements. She released her grip on thewater and it splashed upon the grass. The girl heard her brother call, andfollowed the sound to the lake.
“There you are! The water’s crystal-clear and it feelsgreat! Why’d you wander off?” the boy asked.

“I’m sorry; the river distracted me. Let me get into mybathing suit.” The girl sighed.

“Seriously, Katara. It’s unlike you to be distracted by ariver of all things.” The boy remarked.
“It was so…serene. I just got lost in the moment. No morefirelord, no more war…it’s nice to be able to get lost without worrying aboutbeing ambushed or burned.” Katara pointed out, jumping into the water, havingchanged clothing.

“Whatever. I still like to keep my guard up.” The boymumbled, slowly working his way into the water. It was cold and tickled hisskin. He had left the pool to call for his sister, and now he had to re-adjust.At least he didn’t have to change again.

“Hey, Sokka. Where’s Aang? I know he came here with us.”Katara said, playing with a lopsided ball of water in the air.

“He said he felt some mystical wumbo-jumbo calling to him.”Sokka sighed.

“And you didn’t go after him?” Katara asked, the watersuddenly feeling colder.
“He’s a fully realized Avatar. He can defend himself.” Sokkaprotested. Their conversation was cut off by a scream. It was loud, and it wasobviously close. The voice seemed stressed and tense, but the brother andsister knew who it was instantly. They exchanged a look.

“It’s Aang.”

Other: I've been writing for a long time and, in my opinion, I'm gradually getting better. I feel like a weakness is action-sequences and fast-paced scenes. Whenever they come about, the detail sort of gets lost. For my beta reader, I'd prefer someone familar with the ATLA universe. VMing would be the preferred method of contact.
__________________
My Chainsaw Meowth is currently missing! If you have a lead or think you know something, PLEASE PM ME! I am desperately searching, and I dread the possibility that I may never find him...
On a side note, if anybody can answer the following question right, then they get a mystery prize! *Must have a Gen V game to claim prize*
Question: What the heck did Jinora do in the finale?! I don't get it! I know 90% of you won't know what I'm talking about, but I need an answer!