Thread: [Let's Play] HOMESTUCK Emerald [Rated T]
View Single Post
Old August 9th, 2013 (2:03 PM).
Apple Juice's Avatar
Apple Juice Apple Juice is offline
who are you
Gold Tier
Join Date: Oct 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,221
Send a message via Skype™ to Apple Juice

>Enter neighboring house.

You proceed to enter the house, only to be greeted by another OVER-ENTHUSIASTIC MOTHER. You are about to leave the house when she spoke to you. You tuned out, as you have no time to give any weight to such a mother's incoherent babbling. You did pick up that she had a DAUGHTER, and decided it would be worth it to check it out. Confused as to why this mother would allow you to be in her DAUGHTER'S room alone with her, you walked upstairs.


There was no DAUGHTER in sight, but you did discover a POKE-BALL. You had plans to steal it and jump out the window, but the ball was unfortunately empty. Dissapointed, you made your way out of the room.


This caught you off guard. Upon seeing the girl, you made a mental choice to upgrade DAUGHTER to ATTRACTIVE WOMAN. Unknowing of your recent edits, the ATTRACTIVE WOMAN introduced herself as MAY. You introduced yourself as PLUTARCH HEAVENSBEE, much to your dismay. It was due to your HORMONAL RAGINGS. She told you that she would go outside to catch some POKEMON, and left you to do whatever you liked.


You don't ever pass up on no BOOTY.

>Leave House and Talk to ANNOYING BRAT

The ANNOYING BRAT was whining about being scared of something, but you realized you had no idea why you were standing there listening to it. You picked the brat up and set her atop a NICE TREE. The understanding tree nodded solemnly as the ANNOYING BRAT screamed for help. Thank god for the NICE TREES of the world.

>Go for a stroll

Apparently, this ODD LOOKING HOBO had other plans. The man was calling to you and pointing to a bag nearby viciously. The BROWN BAG looked normal enough, and you vaguely recalled your MOTHER telling you something about a PROFESSOR living in this village.

>Trust the HOBO and look in BAG

The insides of the BROWN BAG surprised you: Three POKEMON. They looked rare, which confirmed that the HOBO was actually a PROFESSOR. He yelled at you to choose one.

>Choose TORCHIC and dominate WILD POKEMON

You had no idea what a TORCHIC was. The POKEMON you had chosen was a DEMENTED FIRE CHICKEN. Your DEMENTED FIRE CHICKEN continued to DOMINATE the WILD POKEMON. Your newfound POKEMON left the battle unscathed & victorious.


For a reason you don't understand, the CHEAP PROFESSOR offered you no MONEY, only a HALF-HEARTED THANK YOU and an invitation to your lab, which you took as a place of which he took children to SEXUALLY FONDLE. You did notice a VERIFICATION CARD on the PROFESSOR'S COAT which confirmed that he was in fact a legitimate PROFESSOR. Still, you kept your PEPPER SPRAY handy.


Although the situation seemed dangerous at first, the PROFESSOR'S gadgets and other items around the LAB assured you that he was not, in fact, going to SEXUALLY FONDLE you. For some reason, you apparently were unable to nickname your DEMENTED FIRE CHICKEN by yourself, as the PROFESSOR had offered you to nickname it.


...Where do you get these ideas.

>Embark on Adventure

Not yet. The PROFESSOR explained to you that before leaving the town of LITTLEROOT you must find the ATTRACTIVE WOMAN and battle her.


After hearing this sentence, you immediately deemed OLDALE TOWN as a RAPIST HEADQUARTERS. You weren't sure if you were being overly cautious or righteous in your assumption, but you didn't care. You slowly walked away from the ODD CLERK and continued to the next area. You saw the ATTRACTIVE WOMAN and made your way towards her.

>Proceed to check out DAT POPPIN BOOTY

It sure is hard to pass this POPPIN BOOTY up.

>Get slapped by ATTRACTIVE WOMAN and begin BATTLE

The UNCALLED FOR SLAP stung for a while, but you had a BATTLE to win and managed to forget about the pain. The ATTRACTIVE WOMAN was probably a commendable trainer, being the PROFESSOR'S DAUGHTER.

>Spam Scratch with CORN

Apparently, you were wrong. You tried to put her down easy by saying she was still SMOKIN HOT but that only merited a KICK IN THE BALLSACK. Ouch.

>Recover your composure

After you got up from the ground, the ATTRACTIVE WOMAN mentioned a sentence that made you ponder if their family was just a CRUDE RAPIST CULT. You made a mental note to steer clear from the PROFESSOR, but the ATTRACTIVE WOMAN mentioned going back to talk to him.

>Act like a five year old and refuse

You still had intentions on SCREWING the ATTRACTIVE WOMAN, so that was not an option.

>Proceed to LAB

The LAB consisted of no SEXUAL PLAYTHINGS or RESTRAINING CHAINS, so you allowed yourself to enter. The professor handed you a RED CONTRAPTION which he said was extremely important. You'd check it out later.


That was quick. You begin to smile and casually unzip your pants when the ATTRACTIVE WOMAN pulled out a handful of POKE-BALLs. Maybe next time.

>Put POKE-BALLS away

After this, the PROFESSOR explained that you would go on a journey to defeat the eight gym leaders and the elite four, becoming the CHAMPION of HOENN. ATTRACTIVE WOMAN chimed in too, saying she would do the same. For that reason, you agreed to do it.


The shoes were SO 2009 but you still accepted them and smiled at your MOTHER. She mentioned something about seeing your MYSTERIOUS FATHER on your journey, but you thought nothing of it. You liked to imagine your MYSTERIOUS FATHER as a COY SEXGOD and was too busy keeping SEXUAL *****ES company to talk to you.

>Truly embark on journey



LP/Guide/Review of the Week! - create one now and it could be featured!
shawn , janna , dave // credit