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August 20th, 2013 (7:46 PM).
Join Date: May 2006
I'm going to guess that you'll have more explanation on Clayton's condition in future chapters? Right now, I want to guess that he had something done to him to make him massive and able to understand Pokemon, and I wonder if the Silph Company had anything to do with it.
There are some grammar issues in this. You use the wrong "its" for possession. When you want to denote that "it" is owning something, you use "its." "It's" with the apostrophe is the contraction for "it is." A good way to help you remember is saying the sentence to yourself using "it is" in the spot where you want to use the word. If the sentence makes sense, then you use "it's." If it doesn't, then it's, well, "its."
Dialogue punctuation is another thing.
"Congratulations students, go out and see the world." The man said, waving the two beaming students off.
Here, you want the full stop after "world" to be a comma, and the "the" before "man" to be lower-case, since you're using a dialogue tag like "said."
"Tomorrow at six o'clock?" She asked expectantly.
Just like here, you have "she" in lower-case because "asked" is a dialogue tag. That's the only change you make when using question marks or exclamation marks.
You have a good start here for a fanfic. If you work a little on the grammar, that'll help. There's no reason for you not to continue, and I hope that you'll post more of your story when you're ready.
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