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September 19th, 2013 (04:04 PM).
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Lost in thought... again
Well, I tried out something new with my latest chapter (7) and I'm not sure how it turned out. Here's a little part of it. I was going for a timeless, mysterious feel, and it would be great if someone told me if I reached it or not.
For some background knowledge, Nolafus (my main character) , is a firefighter, and got trapped under some burning boards after a nasty fall and passed out due to pain and blood-loss. This is what he sees when he wakes up again. Put into a spoiler for length and I don't want to waste a part you might not have gotten to yet, if you're reading through it.
When Nolafus opened his eyes, he wasn’t burning, he wasn’t surrounded by fire, and he wasn’t even in a building. Instead, he was floating. Nolafus looked around and he found himself in a sort of void. He remained floating there, looking out at the deep abyss. He tried to remember what he was doing, but the search through his memory was inconclusive. He couldn’t remember a thing. Nolafus felt like he had memories, and indeed he had, but he felt like they happened so long ago. Besides, he was just happy to be floating here, it was relaxing. Nolafus decided that he must have been here his entire life, he couldn’t remember anything else that would tell him otherwise. A deep peace overcame Nolafus as a bright light suddenly flashed.
Nolafus raised his hand to shield his eyes from the bright light, but it soon died down. Nolafus lowered his hand to reveal a dark hole where the light had been. Rays of light showed the outlined of the dark hole, and Nolafus smiled. The dark hole seemed so inviting, he even thought he could hear music. Nolafus thought about trying to remember the clouded memories, but it just seemed like so much work. Why spend so much effort when it was so easy just to give in? Nolafus gave up on his thoughts and began to drift towards the hole, he was still a ways away, but he had time. It’s not like anyone was expecting him anywhere. He had no responsibilities and all the time in the world, he could go anywhere, do anything, but right now, all Nolafus wanted to do was go through that hole. He could just simply fall in there.
Wait, “fall…” why does that ring a bell?
Nolafus stopped to ponder this thought which had invaded his mind. The thought was just a whisper, but it kept repeating itself. Each time it grew louder and louder, eventually the thought was shouting in his head. Nolafus raised his hands to his head in an effort to drown out the screaming. He winced, he felt pain dart through his entire body.
What was happening? What is this place? Why am I here?
Nolafus’ eyes flew open. His memory, foggy a second ago, had now began to appear. He had a wife, wait, she died a while ago. Yet he still felt love, and loved. How can this be? Nolafus remembered two srains, sons? Yes, definitely sons, one was twelve, the other seven. What were their names? Badron and Kren, his two sons. Another srain and a human appeared in his thoughts, Kolski and Joe, my friends. Firefighters, they were firefighters. That one word, fall, why did that word feel so real? Fall, I was falling. Falling from where? There was a fire, and I was falling. All of Nolafus’ memories came flooding back to him in an instant and he remembered everything. He remembered finding that little girl, he remembered falling through the floor, and he remembered not being able to escape. The void that had once seemed so safe, began to fade, and the hole that once looked so inviting. Nolafus noticed it wasn’t a hole at all, but a mouth. Everything around him seem to melt as he was shot up, into a bright light.
Nolafus took a deep breath and immediately started pushing everything off of him. The boards were easier to move for some reason. He shot up and started running through the door. He took off through the hallway where he saw a woman standing there, wearing nothing. She was surrounded by fire and turned away from him, but she didn’t move. In fact, she seemed to be wearing the fire. Her entire body was adorned with a cloak made entirely of flickering energy. Nolafus called out to her, and she turned around. Her first look was one of shock as she walked towards Nolafus and started pushing him back towards the burning garage. Nolafus tried with all his might to escape from her grasp, but it was no use. She wouldn’t let go and despite the struggle Nolafus was putting up, she was able to drag him back into the garage. She lifted up the boards and started to push Nolafus back under them. Nolafus wasn’t able to escape, and not willing to give up the fight, he screamed. Nolafus screamed so loudly and with such intensity, he had to close his eyes and he felt the grip of the woman loosen, and release.
The Plague Rat
"Here's a smell you can feel!"
(I'm still working on it!)
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