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Old March 4th, 2005, 03:55 PM
Chibi Pika's Avatar
Chibi Pika
Nya?
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Hiding from responsibilities
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Nature: Timid
Quote:
Don't double/thripple post, use the edit button, and if you can't make it all in one post wait for someone else to write before you answer!
? He's doing new chapters, you're supposed to do chapters in different posts, otherwise the thread never gets bumped. It's not his fault no one else will review =/

Ah hah, I was wondering how Mecha had gotten the robotic arm. A couple of tense errors and such:
Quote:
They told me to consider this a warning to me and my dad. If my dad couldnt get the money within a month of that time, they would have me killed
Missing word
Quote:
Each team were taking their respective vehicles
Each is a singular pronoun for some reason. =P So I think it should be "each team took their respective vehicles."
Quote:
For Black Jack, its time for smashing more heads and drink more beer.
I think the present tense for that one will work, besause it's talking about what's going to happen, but in any case, it should be drinking more beer.

That's all I spotted. But Isaac never metioned why Team Dark was messing with his dad or why he owed them money...me thinks plot...>=D

Great chappie, keep it up!

~Chibi~
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