[Other FULL] Fire Emblem: Re-Awakening

Sorry for being the absolute laziest person in the world, but i've finally managed to get another post done!

I originally intended for Tarin to ninja-kick Nokam in the back of the head for calling her Cloff's girlfriend, but I thought of a much more devious plan instead.

Poor Nokam... Oh, and of course, poor Cloff as well.

Sorry for not posting earlier! My computer is extremely STUPID, and keeps crashing. Literally about to write a post right now. (For the record, Cloff has no idea that Mason is on the roof with Tarin. He hasn't glanced back yet xD)

Hey, no problem dark. Can't be helped.

Also, this is going to be interesting...

Question...Can you still submit characters?
Cause I thought of a Myrmidon character that could submit.

@ Shadowhakfrost- Of course! Just get an SU up!

Thanks! I'll have some thing up soon!
Edit: I've fixed it If anything else let me know!

Character Name: Shadow Zanbolti
Gender: Male
Age: 21
Class: Myrmidon
Appearance: A man with black dark hair and wears a red coat or leather. He is height is 5'9 and weighs about 148 LBS. He works out on his own time and his eye color is jet black. His weapon on his back is a killing edge.
Personality: He doesn't spar or talk to other people. He has worked with bandits only to defeat them in the end. But despite, this he is very humble and does not take items like money because people need it more than him. On full moons he likes to walk outside and makes his own food. He is claustrophobic and fear of people in large crowds.

History: Shadow hails from Chon'sin in the Valm Continent. He is a cold and dark mercenary. From childhood, he never knew anyone but himself as he grew on the streets. At early age he trained with metal so he could train his sword arm. His biggest idol is Lon'qu though he will not admit it. He travels to Yileese to Valm looking for jobs. His greatest triumphs are defeating bandit hordes,and defeating arenas by himself.

Though Shadow seeks the shepherds so he could see if they were as good as he heard. On his travels he had heard about them numerous times in taverns,whispers among the common folk and even when he did jobs requests. Every Time he heard about them his interests grew larger. He wanted to meet the man that leaded the small militia.
Code: "Checkmate!"

@ Shadowhawkfrost- Well, good start. But there are some things I have to point out regarding your SU:

*Appearance: Please give more description to your appearance. You say nothing of height, weight, eye color, fitness level, ect. It needs some fleshing out.

*Personality: I'm kind of a stickler when it comes to personalities. This one needs some work. I've given this advice before and I'll do it again: Everyone has little quirks and likes and dislikes that make them interesting.

*History: First of all, there is no Jugdral continent. Not all Fire Emblem games takes place in the same world, and this is not the same world of Thracia and Genealogy games. This takes place in the world of Fire Emblem Awakening, and of the original Fire Emblem games that featured Marth. This will be a little bit of work, but please rearrange your history so that it fits with this game.

If you'd still like to be a descendant of a legendary swordsman, I have some names for you that fit in the world of Awakening.


Moving on, I cannot allow you to have either the Wo Dao or the Balmunng blades from the get-go. I realize your explanation for both, but we are still in the beginning stages of the game, and those are end of the game weapons. However, I have no qualms with eventually obtaining either one. I am actually aiming for everyone to have a unique weapon by the end of the game, so I'm sure we can work something out.

Also, please pay attention to proper grammar. There are several poor spots as far as sentence structure and grammar go, so please be careful of that.

Alright, I'm done. Don't get the worng idea though, I do want you in this RP. I just need a better quality character. Thanks!

Alright. I will change it. thanks for the tips though. I greatly appreciate it!
Edit: I did think about changing the Wo Dao and the balmung down to one weapon, killing edge.
Also yes I will change the history and personallity.I might take while. I loved the feedback though.

Okay, most of the logistics of your background are solid. However, grammar is still a big issue. I hate to be an English teacher, but I'll give you examples:

Though Shadow seeks the shepherds so he could see what power they had.

Click to expand...

This is a dependent/subordinate clause. It cannot stand on its own. If you removed the "though" then it would be a viable sentence.

Shadow hails from Chon'sin in the Valm Continent, he is a cold and dark mercenary.

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You linked two simple sentences with just a comma, which isn't strong enough to keep them together. You either need a semicolon, or a comma and conjunction. "Shadow hails from Chon'sin in the Valm Continent, and is a cold, dark mercenary." See how much better that sounds?

Also, there are just some generally awkward sentences throughout. Again, this isn't to make you feel bad or insult you, I'm just trying to help you write a quality SU.

Again you have my thanks.
Could you point them out as well? I would be grateful.

Sure, lemme see what I can do.

He doesn't spar or talk since he does other thing in his time and he's is also very confident. From childhood he never knew anyone just himself as he grew on the streets. At early age he trained with metal so he could train his sword arm.

Click to expand...

All three of these sentences need some work.

He has worked with bandits only to defeat them in the end for his job. But despite this he is very humble and does not take items like money because people need it more than him. More on full moons he likes to walk outside and makes his own food. He is claustrophobic and fear of people in large crowds.

Click to expand...

These also need work.

Better? I like this edit.

Better. I hate to be a stickler, but the problem still remains.

But despite, this he is very humble and does not take items like money because people need it more than him. On full moons he likes to walk outside and makes his own food. He is claustrophobic and fear of people in large crowds.

Click to expand...

Misplaced comma in the first sentence. It should either come after this or not be there at all. "he" is needed after and in the second sentence. "has a" is needed after and in the third sentence.

His greatest triumphs are defeating bandit hordes,defeating arenas by himself.

Click to expand...

You need an "and" after the comma.

Though Shadow seeks the shepherds so he could see what power they had.

Click to expand...

Still not a complete sentence, I've pointed this out before.

I do hate to give you homework on the weekend, but this is necessary stuff. Also, good grammar will be required in posts made in the IC thread.

It is no bother to me. I'm not good at catching these things believe me.
Thanks though.
Edit:I have made the changes.

Anything else? Any more feedback?

That'll do! Welcome to the group.

As far as IC posting goes, try to come up with a way to insert yourself. Alternatively, you can wait until we begin Chapter 2.

Thanks! Yeah chapter 2. I'll pro

Thanks! Yeah chapter 2. I'll probably do that.

Hey everybody, posted. Sorry for taking so long on getting that up.

Lets all get some good posts up so we can progress to Chapter 2!

I don't know if I should wait for Nideous to post or not...

Actually, I just thought of something. Do you think I (or anyone, really) would be able to post for Nideous?

Well, that would technically be bunnying, which is against the Pokecommunity rules. However, I would allow it if Nideous said that you could, and if what you write is what he would have done anyway. Stuff like that is awkward though, and as a generaly rule its better to stay away from it.