Adoption.

Hypothetically, you are about to have a child and have decided that things just aren't working out for you and aren't stable enough to raise a child. You have decided to put him or her up for adoption. Would you like to be part of your child's life, in any way, shape, or form? Whether it be directly involved, getting updates by the mail from his or her foster parents, and so on and so forth.

I'd definitely want updates from the foster family. I'd want to know how my kid was progressing. I would also want to see them from time to time, and possibly take custody if circumstances forced me to later in life.

I don't foresee myself having kids though, so I don't know why I am replying to this >_>

I'd be very interested in my child's life, but to what extent that'd I'd be involved would be up to the foster parents. If they feel that it's awkward that I'm around then I will definitely give them the space they want. I wouldn't want to be completely shut out though.

I'd definitely want to be involved somehow... I don't know if I could stand having a baby and never knowing what happened to it.

I'm eleven years old, and I already have a dream family. I want to have a boy kid, with long blonde hair. I'll name him Thor. I'll adopt another kid, with long black hair, and I'll name him Loki. So yeah, I'm thinking of going into a foster home twenty years from now.

Nah, I'm good. Cut and run, let the kid have a good life with the adoptive parents and I'll carry on with mine.

I dunno. That idea kinda annoys me. Like, you've got someone who is thinking they can't handle being a parent and then still wants to be part of their kid's life? I say you can't have your cake and eat it, too. But I know I'm not ever going to be in the position of wanting a kid (crazy!) and then at the last minute deciding I'm not cut out to handle that.

I'm not sure but I think I would like that, and to be able to contact the child when I'm ready. It would be a shame but if the kid would be better off in someone else's care for whatever reason, then I guess that route would be the one to take.

If I were in that situation, I would like to be involved in some way. I mean, even if its through email, I would like to know what kind of life my child is having, which would hopefully be better than how mine was if I had to give him or her away.

I'm not sure. Knowing me, I'd probably be too ashamed to be present myself to them because I failed to be a proper parent in the first place but if they wanted some form of contact, I hope I wouldn't be adverse to it.

Scarf said:

I dunno. That idea kinda annoys me. Like, you've got someone who is thinking they can't handle being a parent and then still wants to be part of their kid's life? I say you can't have your cake and eat it, too.

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I agree with this. Once you've given your child up for adoption, I think that should be it for your contact with the child in question. No takebacks, as the kids say.

If I'm genuinely not able to take care of a kid that I've spawned for whatever reason, then I don't think I should be a part of that kid's life until I'm ready to accept responsibility and explain why I gave him/her up in the first place. So there probably wouldn't be any contact for at least a couple of years after the kid was born. After that... it would honestly depend on how my state of mind was, coupled with if the kid knows that they're adopted and all sorts of other factors.

In summary, like the Nancy Myers film: it's complicated.

Lightning said:

I'm not sure. Knowing me, I'd probably be too ashamed to be present myself to them because I failed to be a proper parent in the first place but if they wanted some form of contact, I hope I wouldn't be adverse to it.

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Obviously it's hard to know until the situation a actually happens, but I agree with what Erica said. If I'd had the child and then gave it up for whatever reason, I'd feel terrible about it and I'd hate to show my face to that child. I'd rather it had a new father that it learnt to love as a real dad rather than having to deal with me having cast it away. If they did ever want to get in contact once they're mature enough to handle it then I probably would agree since of course I'd want to know how the child is doing and I'd probably ask for updates from the parents, but I don't think the underlying feeling of shame would be easy to lift.

I wouldn't ask for anything from the family other than if the child wants to make contact with me that they have a way to do so.

If I put my kid up to adoption, I'd try to make time to see him/her whenever I can just so he/she doesn't miss me.

I think the best thing to do is kind of what Cat Dog said, let some time pass before you try and rear your head back into their life, if you even can. I think you should still be able to reach them if need be, hopefully to reconcile in the future.

I'd leave it up to the adoptive parents. If they don't want me, that's fine. If they do, that's fine too. They're the ones taking care of the child; they can do whatever they wish when it comes to me. It'd probably be awkward to give up the child for adoption and see them again though. ._.;

If I'm not making enough money to support just myself and my significant other, then I'm not going to make my child go through that. Perhaps I could visit him or her in the future, but they would not have a permanent home under my care.