People say the darndest things...

So, we've all, at some point in our lives, had some pretty weird conversations.
What is the strangest, most twisted, or unbelievable thing you've ever heard someone say?

How about the elderly?
Children?
Your parents?

Let the bizarrity begin!

Me and my friends were chatting up about weird stuff we do, like certain tastes for their alone time and stuff like that. So then we get this one guy, who basically has a track record fitting for satan. He has practiced on his stuffed abimals stuff far worse then kissing. He has the weirdest tastes, and likes girls 4 years younger then him, basically starting out high school when he's finishing.Lets not even get into where he likes to have some alone time On the bus while everyone's sleeping? Sure! On his balcony mid day unaware of others? Sure!
God that was a weird day, really want to scrub it out, but I can't.

I have a blind friend who once told me the following:

"I like the music from Sonic [the Hedgehog], so yes, his butt is sexy".

I don't even understand the context of it. He just said that. It was the weirdest thing. He says some pretty funny stuff but that has to top everything.

>The elderly

I could write a book about what I hear old people say on a daily basis since I'm constantly around them. This morning I accompanied the lady I was cleaning for to the store and she spent the entire busride there telling me about how you can learn a lot about a person's sex life by the method and frequency of which they mow their lawn.

My mom once told me that she's a magical unicorn who eats small children. (???)

Someone on the internet was fed up with my fake trolling. So he angrily told me to go "shove a barbie up my ---".

My mother's best friend gave me permission to eat her daughter.

"You're going to come home with your eyeballs in your pockets someday." (That made sense at the time)

Conversation between my history teacher and a male student (starting with the teacher)-
"Why were you too busy? Were you out on dates?"
"No, I don't even have a girlfriend!"
"I don't have a hard time believing that."

"I'd rather have to herd cats away than have the house smell like walrus." (My mom just said this to me. Perhaps the fever is getting to her mind, hmm?)

I had a intellectual discussion with a friend from school about the subliminal messages from Spongebob Squarepants in my senior year after eating a pot brownie one time lol. I swore Patrick was the 7th mouth of Zalgo meant to awaken during Christmas of last year to sing the song that will end this world, either that or the chairman of McDonalds I could never tell the difference.

The Elderly:

*I hold the door open for an elderly couple*
"Oh look honey, a future doorman."

"You're not old but your certainly a gentleman."

*after an elderly man lets his crazy dog chase me*
"Run! Ruuuuuuuun!"

Children:

*me sitting there eating*
"What are you doing?" (I responded in saying that I was eating) "How many times are you chewing?"

Random people:

*me sitting in a laundromat, reading. Completely random guy, I swear i've never met him, sticks his head in the door, says this and then leaves.*
"Hey, I just had to say hi."

*me standing in an elevator, in a two floor building*
"You going up?"

*me standing in a bookstore holding a book that i've began reading the back of*
*guy walks up, looks me dead in the eye and says:*
"That's a really good book."
*I reply,*
"Yeah, it seems interesting."
*and then of course he, still making eye contact, says*
"I wasn't talking to you."

That's all I can think of now folks.

On my cousin Eden's first Halloween (she was almost 3), we were going back to our grandparent's house and she was holding my hand. She suddenly stops, lets go and looks into her bag, then back up at me. "Syddy!" "What is it?" "When I get home...I'm gonna eat ALL this candy and go poop in the potty."

Old people lmfao I have so much stuff on that one since I've visited nursing homes so many times. We had this one guy telling us about his sex life when he was younger. And on Thanksgiving this past year, my grandmother was asking my grandfather if he was hungry. He has really bad hearing, so she was basically yelling and it was the third time she said it. "Tommy! Are you hungry?!" And then he just jumps off the couch and he's like, "Get a new Honda?!" lmao

And then the best thing ever was when a group of my friends were telling yo momma jokes and this weird guy just walks up and he was like, "Yo momma's so fat, that when she walked into Walmart, she weighed 58 inches!"

My sister told my daughter that " road sweeps eat you" which might explain her fear of them.
my daughter told me that Mario was real and she's going to live in his world.

My friend apparently got me in this discussion about what's illegal and what's not and now he's
Made love to a library book
Made love to the tree in his yard
Beaten his wife
Brought a gun to an airport
Handed the gun to me
etc. xD
We're just kidding but still it's hilarious

I'll add more pretty soon, I have way more I can't remember atm, and every week I have a few xD

"So not only do you love Ronald McDonald more than me, you send an alpaca to spit at my panda?"

I was once walking along a street and a woman with her husband were leaving a charity shop. I overheard what she said:
"This is perfect for him! He loves knitted clothes and charity!"
Another time I was at the bus stop and this woman's young child was running all over the place and suddenly he ran onto a bus and his mother ran after him shouting "get back here or I will beat you". It was the way she said it xD
Um there's been loads of weird occurrences but they're just some c:

I don't even know where to begin.

My grandma posts awkward things as her status.. one was something like, "I'm sick of all these h--kers on facebook!" Also, I used to have a "friend" who was just plain weird and probably a chronic liar (at least when he was young) He made up a lot of strange things, like how he told me the mark on his face meant he was a CMW - or Chinese Martial Arts Warrior. And then my friend who I sit next to at lunch says VERY weird things. We have a different conversation everyday that goes off into some other universe or something, and I can't even keep up.