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The Advanced Force Arc [A Bleach RP, OOC, R-15]

Quest

Veteran Roleplayer
984
Posts
14
Years
  • Seen Jan 6, 2023
@ Zero: Always thinking ahead, aren't you? :3 I like the idea.

@ Tuxedo Clank: You seem to just be having some major bad luck. :P I don't know what the censored word is, but a completely new character may provide you with a little extra practice.

@ Stingray: Glad to see interest! :)

@ Mr. Zagan: Just like Zero said, the new characters (once accepted) will be new recruits with no knowledge of the "Shinigami way." With that said, no Substitutes. :P

Moving on, your current SU still has part that need criticizing. I told you about appearance so we'll start with personality. First off, I like the ways that you separated it, but what you have is rather... Eh... When I read it, it's like it's not a personality, ya know? Cool, he uses his wit and such but does that mean he a nice person? Is he antisocial? I don't know! Also, physical strength doesn't really have anything to do with personality. :/

Also while two specialties aren't too much, they need to related! How is defense magic and hand-to-hand combat connected? They're not.

Onto history, well, your character doesn't have much. :/ You see history books and they are filled with (nearly) everything. Don't necessarily make it huge but do expand on it. The sealed form of your Zanpakuto is also a bit, how should I put it... Overdone? Remember it's only the sealed form so it's really only going to look like a regular katana or even a trick cane, not an alternate dimension.

Grammar is next and well, you don't have much of it unfortunately. We're a pretty laid back RP though, so spelling doesn't really matter as long as it's close, but you do need to use punctuation correctly! For one, every paragraph you have is only one sentence because you're using commas instead of periods. Why?

Sorry if I'm sounding a bit mean though. I am merely trying to help you, :). If you have any questions feel free to ask.

@ Jack, Reader, and Zero: I'll have my post up soon. If you'd like me to move faster, which you probably do, just notify me. :)
 
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Stingray

Space elves FTW
1,007
Posts
13
Years
Here is my SU... not sure what I even think of it... not perfect... not sure if its even good in my opinion...

(personality I had issues with so its long and I HOPE it relays his personality/views)

Spoiler:


Ok tried to be a little unique so he would be a unique personality for a Bleach character… MIGHT have gone too far, but worth a shot.
 
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Quest

Veteran Roleplayer
984
Posts
14
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  • Seen Jan 6, 2023
Well done Stingray. :) Your SU looks pretty good right now and I especially like how you made a reason to keep the outfit he wore in the World of the Living. As I told Zagan before, most wounds are healed almost completely after the entrance into the Soul Society, though I'm sure both Zero and I will be fine with scars.

Again, as I had told Zagan, I do have some problems with your grammar but this RP isn't too strict about it. After all, we're only here for fun and to become better writers. One question though, are you done with history? It seems like a word is missing. (I assume it's Inverse or Gyaku-Gun) For now, you are Pending in my book until you fix that. I'm sure Zero may have something to say as well.

@ Zagan: Now that I think about it, you could keep your original attire as long as you supply us with a reason. Also, while I'm still partial on the spine injury, I will allow it to an extent. Just make it all scarred up instead of open wounds and maybe make it weaker then most spines.
 

Zagan

King of Demons
139
Posts
11
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  • Age 34
  • UK
  • Seen Jun 20, 2015
Ok, im trying to work on it to make it better, and the actual zanpactou idea was not meant to cut into alternate dimentions, it was the sheath itself that was a small pocket dimention, or could be worked to be some sort of kido barrier to make it look as such?

and fair enough, so u dont want any spine exposed at all?

As to reason for his attire, what would be reasonable?
 

Zero Darkness

The Cripple Who Is Whole
138
Posts
12
Years
Hey guys, so I like that there are more people in the RP, and I forget to add this to the SU section, but we add a part in the Zanpakuto that is your Inner World, you can modify it as much as you like, the basic idea is a world with laws of his own and changing enviorment due to the mood of the person.

Exmp: Ichigo`s inner world is skyrskrappers and the gravity is to the side [you walk on the walls], when Ichigo is sad/desparate/etc there is rain in his world, when he is very sad/etc his inner world sink into the ocean.

Watchman: Let`s end the first chapter so the others will join as soon as possible!

And Stingray: I think I got the best Zanpakuto for you, a few days ago I doodled a giant claymore, I`ll upload it and color it a bit in gimp [hopefully everyone will get a doodle of their shikai and maybe bankai].



And finally: Who want a Light Saber? Not really, it will be over powered.
 

Zagan

King of Demons
139
Posts
11
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  • Age 34
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  • Seen Jun 20, 2015
Ok, I have been working on the SU and I hope this is up to standards

Spoiler:
 

Zero Darkness

The Cripple Who Is Whole
138
Posts
12
Years
I know that Watchman said that mispelling is minor, but please run you posts and SUs on a program that check Grammer [I use word]. And there are some words that are not English[japanease] with mistakes [this is even a greater sin for me], Hakuda, Zanpakuto, Kido, Bakudo, Hado, Soul Reaper [Shinigami, but we will use the english version], Gyaku-gun, Shikai, Bankai, Hoho, Shunpo[we call it Flash Step here], and many more.

This is kinda important to me, `cause since I came to this kind of things, I always tried my best to write right, I want for your best, and for me it`s a great fun to try my best.
If you do it, do the best you can, right?

Sorry if I was to harsh, but it`s just a thing in my mind I can`t leave open, I correct anyone almost everytime, even my friends.


And Zagan, your Inner World is basiclly not connected to the Zanpakuto Spirit, it is only his "home" but the spirit doesn`t effect the look of it. Go with your imagination, we left this part to you for a reason.
 

Zagan

King of Demons
139
Posts
11
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  • Age 34
  • UK
  • Seen Jun 20, 2015
Ok, That I understand Zero - but the reason ive left it blank is that i have a tendency with my bleach characters to make the inner world related somehow to the Zanpakuto spirit in someway, so until i know that, i dont really have any ideas for my inner world atm :P and anything else i need to edit or add to?

EDIT: when i say mind control for an idea for my Zanpakuto i dont mind if its another form of mind manipulation, something like illusions/ hypnosis (akin to Aizan) or sense alteration (like Shinji) or anything else that alters perceptions
 
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Quest

Veteran Roleplayer
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Ok, I think we'll leave the Inner world til after your Shikai if you really want but being thinking about one before then, ok?

Also, while a Kido barrier is technically capable of happening, it really only creates a disguise. An example being Genryusai Yamamoto's cane/sword.

I will say that you may be able to do something like that later, but not for a brand new Soul Reaper. :P It is also best to merely make your spine somewhat weaker instead of exposed. I'm saying this because it helps us be somewhat more canon, even if we're a fanon, xD.

Anyways, you've done a lot better on your SU! It still seems that you seemed to list on appearance though. For now, you are Pending.

If you don't think that you can express your writing style in the SU, could you send me a Roleplay Sample through PM. Just write a short story or take something you already have and send it to me. :)
 

Zagan

King of Demons
139
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  • Age 34
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  • Seen Jun 20, 2015
Fair enough, ill get working on a sample - and what i was thinking was like based more on Hacchi rather then Noba (the former actaully able to make his zanpakuto dissapear in one of those orange barriers of his, but to a lesser degree)

and ok, i changed the spine thing
 

Zero Darkness

The Cripple Who Is Whole
138
Posts
12
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I think that for a just recruited Soul Reaper, you won`t be able to use Kido in the way to hide something, not to talk about your Zanpakuto, don`t forget that hachi is a former lieutenant of the Kido corps, Kiske is master in Kido and so is Yamamoto, all of them are very very good in Kido so they able to do such a thing. Just make it normal, maybe after you will be able to do that.
 

Stingray

Space elves FTW
1,007
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Years
Ok fixed the mistake looks like I lost focus to work on another part of the SU or a bad copy paste from MSWord. Grammar... never been my strong point. You should see how things look before a do a quick proof read (I tried to fix a little but not all of it).

That is why my degree is in Math... never could do well in English.
 

Quest

Veteran Roleplayer
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Well either way, Zero and I have decided that you both are ACCEPTED!

We'll get you two, and Tuxedo if he's accepted, introduced in the second chapter. :)
 

Zagan

King of Demons
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  • Age 34
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  • Seen Jun 20, 2015
Cool beans, I might edit the sheath idea depending on what my Zanpakuto turns out to be :) but i was just throwing random ideas out (kinda forgot the being a new recruit bit :( but yeah, it will be interesting for sure)
 

Tuxedo Clank

So laid back he is horizontal
186
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  • Seen Oct 12, 2012
I haven't had access to my computer for more than about 5 mins in the past few days so no SU yet. I should have most of it done for later tonight (English time). I might be able to do some basic concepts at the office in a notebook.

BTW Watchman, the hard drive wipe was my idea and kind of stemmed from my Uni problems. Not exactly bad luck, more calculated decision.

Edit: I have had a change of plans and as such it caused a bit of delays. I thought a character with multiple personality disorder would be interesting. If you have any objections let me know.
 
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Zero Darkness

The Cripple Who Is Whole
138
Posts
12
Years
It can be intersting, but very hard to follow and control, it is also depands on how the disorder effect it, if he will remeber or will not remeber what happend in his other personality, and if he can somehow know when he gonna change his personality and etc.

I really think that this idea will not blend good with this RP, it is really hard to tell how it will effect it because it depends on many things, how differant the personalitys are? How it will change? How much time he ussualy spends in each persona?

What I can suggest you, if you want this kind of thing, is that he will have a single personallity but sometimes, in a very restricted situations he will became a differant person, with almost a completely differant persona.

I would take a base objective that will be in both of them, the diffrence will how they accomplish it. For exmaple, Ichigo`s objective is to protect his people he care about, let`s say that this is also the objective of your character. In his default persona he will try to protect them with as much as less damage, keeping them safe and staying out of risk. But when he get`s fustrated by not be able to acomplish this goal, his persona is changed, he will take all the risks and will do dangerous things without thinking, in impulsive.

Think about that example.
 
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