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The Rainbow Connection [LGBTS Club]

Aeon.

Carrion
358
Posts
11
Years
  • Age 29
  • Seen Jun 22, 2016
So after a little bit of lurking I'd like to join.

I'm a pansexual, and I'm trying to conclude on my gender identity (it's been a matter of debate to myself for the past six years.) I'm out to everyone about my orientation (my 'tale' is boring in comparison to others), but only two people are aware of my gender issues.
 
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Shining Raichu

Expect me like you expect Jesus.
8,959
Posts
13
Years
Welcome, Aeon! You're in very good company :D

Destructor said:
Well, I came out to mom.

I went up to mom and said I had to tell her something to which she said alright. I asked her to sit down and when she said asked why, I told her it was something really important. Her reply "Well, it's about time" I guessed she just knew what I was going to tell her. So, she sat down and I explained everything from when I first figured out I was gay until the other dayand she had a smile on the whole time. Inside I was so happy, I actually thought I got her wrong the whole time. When I was done, she stood up and gave me a hug and told me I had nothing to hide from her and that she figured but didn't want to jump to the conclusion just in case. I felt like I was going to cry I was so happy and then....

"But still, I don't know what I did to deserve this. Are you punishing me for something? Do you hate me?"

I tried to explain to her that it's just who I am but...

"No, I don't want to hear it. I don't. I understand I failed as a parent and I understand I raised some kind of creature and I can accept that, though I don't have to live with it"

And so here I am, on my laptop, at my grandparents place where they, much to my surprise, accepted me for who I am and still seem to love me. Mom hates and wants nothing to do with me now.

I... what. I don't... understand. How... what? She hugged you and accepted you and told you you don't have to hide things from her and then... she didn't anymore? Did she have an aneurysm?

In any case, I'm so sorry this happened to you :(. The good news is you seem to have amazing grandparents and thank goodness for that. And I know this will seem hollow now, while you're sitting there feeling like your own family hates you for something out of your control, but this is a good thing. You're on the other side of it, the hard part is well and truly over and now you can start living rather than existing in fear. You were scared of how your family would react and... well, now you know. And what you also know is that you have a place with people who do love you unconditionally, no matter who you are. You have a place, you're not going to be homeless. You have stability now in a way that you didn't before. Because you have people who love you and no more secrets that put that at risk.

You, my friend, are going to be just fine :)
 
18
Posts
11
Years
  • Seen Dec 16, 2012
So after a little bit of lurking I'd like to join.

I'm a pansexual, and I'm trying to conclude on my gender identity (it's been a matter of debate to myself for the past six years.) I'm out to everyone about my orientation (my 'tale' is boring in comparison to others), but only two people are aware of my gender issues.

I wouldn't call your tale "boring" as any orientation, coming out, self-acceptance, and the acceptance of others story is always either going to be inspiring or saddening. Boring is always out of the picture. You shouldn't feel the need to hide a story based on the thought people may be bored with it. It's your choice, but never fear people will be bored of it.

Are the two people aware of your gender issues mom and dad or a psychiatrist or somebody?

Edit:
Almost forgot to mention some terrific news. I am happy to say that I have the acceptance of my sister who was originally turned against me by mom.
 
7,741
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17
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  • Seen Sep 18, 2020
I don't understand the concept of 'coming out'. I'll tell people what I am if they ask but I don't seek to declare things to persons whom it is of no likely consequence, and it just seems moronic to come out to people that probably won't be accepting anyway, so why bother?
 
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585
Posts
11
Years
  • Age 31
  • Seen Feb 7, 2017
Edit:
Almost forgot to mention some terrific news. I am happy to say that I have the acceptance of my sister who was originally turned against me by mom.
I'm really glad to hear that you have support from your sister, too. It surely makes you feel better, right?

I don't understand the concept of 'coming out'. I'll tell people what I am if they ask but I don't seek to declare things to persons whom it is of no likely consequence, and it just seems moronic to come out to people that probably won't be accepting anyway, so why bother?
There are lots of reasons to come out to people. I, personally, came out only once in real life, and it backfired. But, lots of people just don't want to live a lie. They come out because they want to be with people who'll accept them, and ditch those who hate them for being gay. That's a good reason. Also, coming out enables a person to meet other gay people, and get into a relationship. You can't find a partner if no-one knows you're gay.
 

Aeon.

Carrion
358
Posts
11
Years
  • Age 29
  • Seen Jun 22, 2016
Are the two people aware of your gender issues mom and dad or a psychiatrist or somebody?
The two people that are aware are two of my close friends. I don't feel comfortable telling my parents until I'm 100% what I am (I am divided if if I could be a MTF Transgender.) The only thing my two friends know is that I'm questioning and that's all there is to it.
 
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585
Posts
11
Years
  • Age 31
  • Seen Feb 7, 2017
So guys, I have my own coming out story. I'm really sorry for changing the subject, but I kinda have to tell somebody...
A couple of days ago, my friends and I were drinking, and well, one of my best friends and I usually stay awake until the morning, while the others go to sleep. And so, when only the two of us stayed awake, he questioned why I never had a relationship, and why I hate talking about love, relationships, etc. I tried avoiding the answer as much as possible, but in the end, I told him. I thought that at least he wouldn't make a big scene out of it, since he's the only one out of my friends (Or all the people I know) who didn't show any signs of homophobia. But it didn't go so well. His replies were mostly something like "It's just a phase", "You're just confused" or, my personal favorite, "You need to change that. Maybe see a psychologist". After about 1 minute of awkward silence, he went to sleep. Since all the other go to sleep early, there's usually only one bed remaining, and we've slept on it together many times. This time, I found him sleeping on the floor.

Sure enough, he deleted me on Facebook, and never contacted me again. I've lost a friend. Guessed I've learned my lesson

Being gay is destroying my life. Every day I'm surrounded by homophobic people, and now this happened. I'm starting to feel depressed...

Again, I'm really sorry for posting stuff like this, but I just had to tell someone, and PC is currently the only place where I feel accepted.

(I posted this once already a couple of days ago, but soon deleted it since I didn't want to change the topic, but I think it's okay now...)
 

FreakyLocz14

Conservative Patriot
3,498
Posts
14
Years
  • Seen Aug 29, 2018
So guys, I have my own coming out story. I'm really sorry for changing the subject, but I kinda have to tell somebody...
A couple of days ago, my friends and I were drinking, and well, one of my best friends and I usually stay awake until the morning, while the others go to sleep. And so, when only the two of us stayed awake, he questioned why I never had a relationship, and why I hate talking about love, relationships, etc. I tried avoiding the answer as much as possible, but in the end, I told him. I thought that at least he wouldn't make a big scene out of it, since he's the only one out of my friends (Or all the people I know) who didn't show any signs of homophobia. But it didn't go so well. His replies were mostly something like "It's just a phase", "You're just confused" or, my personal favorite, "You need to change that. Maybe see a psychologist". After about 1 minute of awkward silence, he went to sleep. Since all the other go to sleep early, there's usually only one bed remaining, and we've slept on it together many times. This time, I found him sleeping on the floor.

Sure enough, he deleted me on Facebook, and never contacted me again. I've lost a friend. Guessed I've learned my lesson

Being gay is destroying my life. Every day I'm surrounded by homophobic people, and now this happened. I'm starting to feel depressed...

Again, I'm really sorry for posting stuff like this, but I just had to tell someone, and PC is currently the only place where I feel accepted.

(I posted this once already a couple of days ago, but soon deleted it since I didn't want to change the topic, but I think it's okay now...)

This is one of the reasons why I advise against actively coming out, and instead tell people to just passively be out.

A lot of liberal LGBT activists (I don't mean that in a political sense, necessarily) want people to come out as soon as possible. Many even out people against their will. I say that the time, place, manner, and audience should be completely up to the individual in all cases. For someone who is surrounded by homophobic people, and especially if the person is dependent on said homophobic people for the necessities of life, then waiting is a perfectly acceptable choice. I don't think that means that you're living a lie, or are self-hating.
 
18
Posts
11
Years
  • Seen Dec 16, 2012
I'm so sorry Alex. At least I can sort of understand your problems resulting from coming out since I got some hate and rejection as well. You can't let this get you down. There is a quote I try to hang onto now. It's really quite helpful.

"Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"

I don't want to shoot anybody down here, but if your "friends" can't accept you for who you are, then they are not your "friends"
I've applied this to my mother and now will reject her as true family until she smartens up and gets with the program.

It's very obvious being gay isn't an easy thing, but you can't let it get you down. It's who you are and you shouldn't view it as destroying your life but something that will bring you closer to the nicer people. That may sound cheesey, and I do hope it gets a laugh or two, but it's also true at the same time, since the nicer people can accept anybody under any non-negative circumstance. I also hope nobody takes offense to that.
 
10,769
Posts
14
Years
I don't understand the concept of 'coming out'. I'll tell people what I am if they ask but I don't seek to declare things to persons whom it is of no likely consequence, and it just seems moronic to come out to people that probably won't be accepting anyway, so why bother?
Coming out is usually done with people who've known you since before you were open about, or knew about, your sexual orientation. If you're, let's say, gay and open about it you wouldn't come out to your coworkers at your new job because it would be part of what they learn about you when they first meet you or something they'd pick up on soon after. It's a way of preparing people who already know you, giving them a chance to adjust to the "new" you in a way that is easier than coming home one day with a boyfriend.

But you're right in the sense that it isn't something that should matter to people it isn't going to affect. Unfortunately coming out usually happens around that tumultuous time of puberty when lots of people want to shout to the world who they are because they're forming their identity then.

Though I think it's just a matter of time before we stop coming out because people will (hopefully) expect the possibility and won't assume everyone is heteronormative, heterosexual, etc.


So guys, I have my own coming out story. I'm really sorry for changing the subject, but I kinda have to tell somebody...
A couple of days ago, my friends and I were drinking, and well, one of my best friends and I usually stay awake until the morning, while the others go to sleep. And so, when only the two of us stayed awake, he questioned why I never had a relationship, and why I hate talking about love, relationships, etc. I tried avoiding the answer as much as possible, but in the end, I told him. I thought that at least he wouldn't make a big scene out of it, since he's the only one out of my friends (Or all the people I know) who didn't show any signs of homophobia. But it didn't go so well. His replies were mostly something like "It's just a phase", "You're just confused" or, my personal favorite, "You need to change that. Maybe see a psychologist". After about 1 minute of awkward silence, he went to sleep. Since all the other go to sleep early, there's usually only one bed remaining, and we've slept on it together many times. This time, I found him sleeping on the floor.

Sure enough, he deleted me on Facebook, and never contacted me again. I've lost a friend. Guessed I've learned my lesson

Being gay is destroying my life. Every day I'm surrounded by homophobic people, and now this happened. I'm starting to feel depressed...

Again, I'm really sorry for posting stuff like this, but I just had to tell someone, and PC is currently the only place where I feel accepted.

(I posted this once already a couple of days ago, but soon deleted it since I didn't want to change the topic, but I think it's okay now...)
That is a real shame. Sometimes people have too many preconceptions, too many prejudices, to accept you. And sometimes people are just not mature enough and with time they'll come to see it's okay. It's always a struggle when you're around people who aren't accepting. You have to have a lot of strength to either keep it to yourself or to be out and have to suffer the comments or social stigma of being out. I do hope you find some people who are okay with you and like you for who you are.
 
585
Posts
11
Years
  • Age 31
  • Seen Feb 7, 2017
I'm so sorry Alex. At least I can sort of understand your problems resulting from coming out since I got some hate and rejection as well. You can't let this get you down. There is a quote I try to hang onto now. It's really quite helpful.

"Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"

I don't want to shoot anybody down here, but if your "friends" can't accept you for who you are, then they are not your "friends"
I've applied this to my mother and now will reject her as true family until she smartens up and gets with the program.

It's very obvious being gay isn't an easy thing, but you can't let it get you down. It's who you are and you shouldn't view it as destroying your life but something that will bring you closer to the nicer people. That may sound cheesey, and I do hope it gets a laugh or two, but it's also true at the same time, since the nicer people can accept anybody under any non-negative circumstance. I also hope nobody takes offense to that.
That really is a nice quote. And you're probably right about everything you've said. But, I live in a place where homophobia is present in 99% of people. Not just homophobia, racism, too. It's like they open the brain of newborns and pump it up with hatred. I know all of my friends would ditch me for being what I am, but I can't just ditch them and find new friends, since I'd still be in the same situation. Wouldn't make any sense.


That is a real shame. Sometimes people have too many preconceptions, too many prejudices, to accept you. And sometimes people are just not mature enough and with time they'll come to see it's okay. It's always a struggle when you're around people who aren't accepting. You have to have a lot of strength to either keep it to yourself or to be out and have to suffer the comments or social stigma of being out. I do hope you find some people who are okay with you and like you for who you are.
Thank you. I, too, hope that someday I'll find someone who isn't homophobic.

I would really like to meet another gay person. Not for a relationship, but just for talk. Who could understand me better than another gay guy living here? Question is, how? How do I find another gay person here, where nobody dares to be out, or to come out to anyone? Does anyone have any advice on that? I'm starting to think that there are no gays here, except for me, of course.
 

Aeon.

Carrion
358
Posts
11
Years
  • Age 29
  • Seen Jun 22, 2016
(my 'tale' is boring in comparison to others),

Well I might as well elaborate on said tale since got off of work on a low note and want something to put me in a decent mood.

Personally when I figured it out I was iffy on it. I was fourteen, and only thought of it as just another part that completes my image. I told absolutely nobody until I was seventeen (which winded up being somebody I was in love with when I was 17.) Eventually this led to the notice that my parents are going to need to know eventually if I wind up falling for somebody that's not a girl; I simply just felt that I was delaying the inevitable, and the sooner the better since my family is very socially liberal, but I was mildly overwhelmed by anxiety that things could go awry.

I thought of multiple different ways on going about this, and made a mental list. The list got shorter and shorter as time went on, and eventually it became nothing. So I decided I'd let it out in the manner of how much of a big deal I make it as a part of my personality: just another part of me. As a result, one night out of boredom during July 2012 I decided to make my Facebook's "Interested in:" public for the first time, with the intent on seeing how long it takes for somebody to notice the truth I have just spread out for everyone to see... turns out it didn't even take 24 hours... and it was my mother.

Around evening when my mom got home and was doing laundry or something (I was playing CoD4 PC or something. I don't pay attention to my surroundings during gaming, and I was also tired which didn't help.) So for once in a very long time during these hours my mom decided to she wanted to try sparking up a conversation.

"Hey Tanner so uh... can I ask you a question?" (My mind just sparked into flames when she said that because I knew what was imminent.)

Which I replied as "Uh... yeah sure what's up?" (I sounded somewhat nervous)

"Don't get embarrassed but I was looking at your Facebook profile and saw your 'interested in' thing and... is that true?"

"Eeeeeeyup. I let it come out like that because I don't see it like big a deal."

I don't recall exactly what she said afterward, but in a nutshell she said that she was completely fine with it, and was actually rather happy with me for being able to do that. The thing that really stuck to me was though was when she said "I don't care who you're with, as long as they make you happy! :D" in which I just about started tearing up. We hugged and that was that.

Later on that night I thought "eh, no turning back now, might as well let everyone else know" and did what I considered 'releasing the krakken' and wrote a post on my wall that I was pan, and if anyone wanted to talk about it further they can talk to me personally... only my cousin did, and he mainly just congratulated me, and once again, that was that.


TL;DR came out in a sneaky manner; mom took it well; so did everyone else.
 
585
Posts
11
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  • Age 31
  • Seen Feb 7, 2017
It's not a boring story. Well, not to me, at least. I'm really glad your coming-out ended up good, and your family accepts you as you are.
 
18
Posts
11
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  • Seen Dec 16, 2012
Your story isn't boring at all Tanner.
It's actually very nice. I'm glad it all turned out well for you in the end. I should have taken that kind of approach to revealing my sexuality instead.
 

Shining Raichu

Expect me like you expect Jesus.
8,959
Posts
13
Years
LightningAlex said:
I would really like to meet another gay person. Not for a relationship, but just for talk. Who could understand me better than another gay guy living here? Question is, how? How do I find another gay person here, where nobody dares to be out, or to come out to anyone? Does anyone have any advice on that? I'm starting to think that there are no gays here, except for me, of course.

Do you have a smartphone? If you do, download Grindr. Most people already know what Grindr is, but I'll be completely condescending and tell you anyway just in case you don't :P. Grindr is an app where you create a profile and it shows you all the other gay guys with Grindr in your near vicinity. It even tells you how far away they are in miles, if they've set their profile to allow that. You can strike up a conversation with someone and ask if they'd like to meet and talk. It's a fantastic app :)

Warning though: there are a lot of people who go on Grindr looking for sex. Most of those people will be pretty easy to figure out immediately just by looking at their profile or from the way they begin a conversation with you. But among those people you'll find a select few who are genuine people just looking to make a connection, just like you. And if the place where you live is as homophobic as you say it is, then there's a good chance there might be more of the nice people there than there are here.

You don't have to put a picture of yourself up if you're worried about being outed, but you're more likely to have people talk to you if you do. Essentially that is the most popular app in the gay community. If there are any gay people around you (and there are), that's where you'll find them.

Destructor said:
It's actually very nice. I'm glad it all turned out well for you in the end. I should have taken that kind of approach to revealing my sexuality instead.

I don't think that would have worked for you. Tanner (if I can call you that? :)) had the luxury of assuming that people would be OK with the revelation, and you didn't have that. You were stressing out about it and you wouldn't have been able to pull off such a thing because you would have been too terrified, and honestly if your horrible mother reacted that way, she was going to react that way no matter how you did it :P
 
585
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11
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  • Age 31
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Hey, I didn't know about that app. It's the same one you used, right? I'll definitely give it a try if it's available for Symbian.

EDIT: It's not available for Symbian x.x Oh well, I'll try and get an Android or something... I'll definitely give it a try someday.
 
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Shining Raichu

Expect me like you expect Jesus.
8,959
Posts
13
Years
I've never heard of Symbian before so I'm not shocked that it's not available for Symbian :P. It's definitely available for Android and iOS, so you should definitely work on getting one of those!

Grindr, simply put, has changed my life. I joined it, within a week I met a great new friend (who is not only gay but is also more into Pokemon than I am) and starting on Thursday we're going to be roommates!
 

Alice

(>^.(>0.0)>
3,077
Posts
15
Years
I downloaded Grindr, and there's 1 guy within 1 mile of me, who doesn't even show his picture, and the next closest is 49 miles. I guess that's only counting people who are currently online though.

Edit: Checked again, and there's a few people near the college I'm gonna go to. It's like 10x bigger than my old school though, so I may not ever actually meet them. lol
 
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Mononoke Hime

viva emptiness
253
Posts
11
Years
I wanna join, may I? :3

Seems like this is a serious club, where people respect each other and share experiences.
I saw it a few days ago, but I was thinking if I was going to join or not, and I've decided to join.
 
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