Calm your farms, guys. I'm the only person who has a right to be angry in this thread. I had a massive awesome post this morning, but my internet decided to have a fit, so I couldn't post it. Now I shall attempt to redo it.
All my notes in
red.
The Niak Region (except for Orre, Sinnoh, and Oblivia, most region names have five letters and more of a consonant-vowel-consonant-vowel sound. Just a thought):
Thousands of years ago, there was a Pokémon so powerful that it created the Niak Region. It was known as the Creator. (new line)
The Niak region was (don't switch tenses) lush and (spell it out) green with its fair share ("fair share" is vague. That doesn't tell us anything about how mountainous or forested it is) of mountains, forest, oceans (why mention oceans? In the entirety of Earth, there's just a few oceans. "Seas" would be better, but even then, there's no need to mention it) and caves. (new line)
He also created three (spell it out) Guardians; one of Fire, one of Water, and one of Nature. These guardians watched over the region and lived in peace and harmony with the people. The people worshipped the guardians and even built shrines for them and offered them gifts, and in return the guardians made life easy (long run-on sentence. Try to avoid that sort of thing). (new line)
As time went by, the Niak region began to expand, and the more it expanded, the more the people would develop and use technology to keep up with the changes. (new line)
People eventually became so dependent on technology that they forgot about the Guardians. This enraged them (we know who you mean. Try to avoid repetition) they brought chaos to the Niak region. (new line)
The Water Guardian flooded villages, the Fire Guardian set them (avoid repetition of "villages") ablaze villages, and the Nature Guardian made trees grow up through floors and roofs (I changed that a bit to make it slightly more, well, versatile, I guess?). (new line)
But since each element would cancel out the other, the Guardians eventually started fighting each other. Each one trying to earn back the people's love and respect for themselves but their feud became so out of control that the Creator could no longer sit back and watch them destroy his creation, so he stepped in. Alone he struggled to defeat the three raging Pokémon. (new line)
After a long battle he had finally won, he created crystal shards from his body and sealed the Guardians' power inside. Powerless, each guardian fled to their elements and entered what is said to be an eternal slumber. With his last bit of energy, the Creator then let out a huge blast of light; it and all three crystal shards had disappeared.
Right. So, you've got a lot of grammar and punctuation errors. Particularly, you need to focus on keeping to one style. Rather than switching between "guardian" and "Guardian", pick one. Rather than switching between "it" and "He" in regards to the "Creator/creator", pick one.
Also avoid too much repetition and walls of text. Break it up into paragraphs.
You also need to take a look at your sentence structure. I didn't want to change too much around. That annoys some people. But a lot of your prose is vague and leaves a lot unsaid.
The Legend: It's said that if the shards are found and placed on shrines built to worship the Pokémon, the guardians would regain their power and only answer to the person who placed the shard on the shrine. (That's a long sentence. Please, don't do that) The legend also says that if all three are awakened at once, again there will be chaos; if they aren't stopped the region will be destroyed. (new line)
Of course, this is all just a legend. In fact, no one had ever found these crystals, and most say they don't exist, until today…
This is a bit of a cliché. First, I have to say that the "Niak Region" section had very little to do with what the Niak region is like. It tells us about how it was created, and about some stuff that might have happened. If we listen to this "Legend" part, then we should assume that the whole part above is also just legend, which leaves us with absolutely no real history, other than that the region eventually got technology.
The "Of course, this is just a myth..." rubbish? Please, avoid that. The "until today..." rubbish? Avoid that too.
Really, you've got a powerful pokémon who creates a trio that looks after a balance. I mean, where have we heard
that before?
You've also told us nothing (read: nothing) about the story line of the game itself. You've just given us the history that is, of course, not even real history, that nobody in the Niak region itself knows, if we're to listen to what you've said.
Crystals are also overused in fiction, specifically fantasy, much to my disdain, and the ignorant humans and god-type characters who basically ragequit when they're forgotten are kind of overused as well. I mean, bringing chaos about because you got forgotten? Sounds like a thirteen year old's break-up revenge plan.
So you've got a fair few words, but you haven't said much.
Features:
New characters & storyline
(good. Some evidence of this storyline would be nice)4 new Pokémon
(four? That means that in a dex of, what, 200 or so, you're giving us four pokémon, and they're only legendaries)New abilities, moves and items
(this isn't really a feature unless the abilities are for more pokémon than just those legendaries. This isn't really a feature unless the moves are for more pokémon than just those legendaries. And this isn't really a feature unless the items are more than just the "crystals". So what I need to ask is who these abilities and moves are for if you're only bringing four pokémon to the table)Two new, more passionately evil teams
(I don't see where these evil teams might fit into the mythos of the world. I could see one team coming in to try and harness the chaos, but I don't see any other potential, given that you haven't given us any sort of storyline)New Gym Leaders, Elite Four and Champion
(right, but they're going to be using old pokémon)
And that's about it for my review. You've got some potential here, but you also have a lot of what we've already seen. You're bringing close to no fakemon to it, so there's likely no sense of discovery.
You've got a new region, but it's the same backstory as everything else has. "A pokémon created this region because it's just that cool, and then it decided to make some other pokémon that got annoyed at humans later."
I look forward to seeing this grow, if only because I hope you can pull it a lot higher than it seems to be.
