Elite Overlord LeSabre™
On that 'Non stop road'
- 9,876
- Posts
- 16
- Years
- Age 98
- Shimoda City
- Seen Mar 30, 2024
A/N: Script fic approved by Astinus.
I've been called "Immature" and "egotistical" before, and I think it's about time I started living up to that :P So I present this epitome of awesome and win, a random crackfic combining the elements of Saturday Night Live's "Celebrity Jeopardy" skit and Pokemon.
Contestant Lisa is my OC from my main fic.
Enjoy :P
Celebrity Jeopardy #1
[The setting is a game show set. The host, an older man with gray hair and a white lab coat, stands behind a podium. To his right is the game board, consisting of a grid of blue squares with dollar amounts listed in them, though the top row is blank. Across from the host are the three contestants. First is a brown haired teenage girl wearing a blue floral dress and green button-up blouse. "Lisa" is written on her podium. To her right is another woman, slightly older, with pointed red hair and a silver and black suit that looks strangely futuristic. "Mars" is the name on the podium. To the far right is a small, beige cat-like Pokémon with a gold coin embedded in its forehead. "Meowth" appears on the podium in front of it.]
OAK: (sighs) Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy. After this finishes airing, I'm going to hunt down and kill Professor Birch for tricking me into doing this crap. Without further ado, let's meet the contestants. In third place with a staggering negative $479,000 is Lisa Northwood, elite trainer from some region nobody cares about.
LISA: (slams her fist on the podium) Y'know, I would have the lead if you just asked the right questions!
OAK: I don't choose 'em, I just read 'em. In a close second place with negative $478,982 is Mars of Team Galactic.
MARS: This matters not when Master Cyrus returns from the Distortion World and claims this world as his own!
OAK: Note how I am not holding my breath. And with a commanding lead, Meowth has $6.
MEOWTH: A funny thing happened on my way to the studio today. Your mother and I took a little detour to the local Motel 6 and…
OAK: (slaps his forehead and groans) That's great. Share it with us after the show. Let's begin Double Jeopardy, and here are the categories: "Potent Potables," "Literature," "What Oak's Mom Did Last Night…" wait, what?! (On the game board, "What Oak's Mom Did Last Night" is sloppily written on a sheet of paper and taped over the actual category)
(MEOWTH is laughing hysterically. OAK throws his hands in the air and trudges over to the board. He rips down the handwritten sign.)
OAK: Let's move on. We have "Cities that end in 'Affron'," "Jasmine or Whitney" – that's where I show you a picture and you tell me whether it's Jasmine or Whitney (Meowth's buzzer sounds) … What is it now?
MEOWTH: So, it's an entire category of women that you'd like to date but aren't man enough to, eh, Oaky? Or maybe it's because you swing the other way…
OAK: (Holds up his right hand) That's quite enough! May I finish, please? Next is, "Does This Belong In Your Mouth?", "Can Magikarp Learn This Attack?", and finally, "Automatic Points." Lisa, since you are in last place, you get to choose.
LISA: (rubs her chin) I'll take "Jasmine or Whitney" for $800.
OAK: Fine. (The clue is revealed to be a picture of Jasmine riding her Steelix.) Is the person on the Steelix Jasmine or Whitney? (LISA buzzes in.) Yes, Lisa.
LISA: Who is Geoff Bodine?
OAK: (a bewildered look is on his face) What?
LISA: Geoff Bodine. Is he not the man who won the 1986 Daytona 500?
OAK: That is irrelevant. (MEOWTH buzzes in.) Meowth?
MEOWTH: Well, it certainly ain't yer mother, and I should know since I was up close and personal with her last night!
OAK: (shakes head) Let's just move on to "Literature," for $400. "This work by William Shakespeare is about a dream that happens on a midsummer night." (MARS buzzes in.) Mars, what's your answer?
MARS: What else could it be but the glorious plans of our great Master Cyrus?
OAK: Not even close. (LISA buzzes in.) Lisa?
LISA: (begins singing and doing air guitar) And I… remember how you loved me
Time was all we had until the day we said goodbye
And I… remember every moment
Of those endless summer nights… (buzzer sounds)
OAK: No.
LISA: (puts her hands on her hips) Oh, come on! It involved a summer night!
OAK: (sighs and puts right hand on forehead) Meowth, please choose a category.
MEOWTH: How about 'Cities That End in "Affron"?'
OAK: For how much, Meowth?
MEOWTH: How about $20, the amount I paid yer mother last night! (laughs)
OAK: No, let's try $800. This city ends in "Affron". (MARS buzzes in). Mars, your answer?
MARS: What is North Affron?
OAK: Hell, no! (LISA buzzes in) Yes, Lisa?
LISA: What is Fort Mill, South Carolina? (OAK shakes head) Where is Fort Mill, South Carolina? (OAK bangs his head on his podium) Beautiful town, Fort Mill. Baxter Village is there. And Carowinds. And Springs Industries. And a Comfort Inn at 3725…
OAK: Yes, we get it. Mars, please choose.
MARS: (rubs chin) Let's see… I'll pick, 'Awesome Teams That Are Led By Cyrus' for $2000.
OAK: (dashes to game board) WHERE THE HELL DO YOU EVEN SEE THAT CATEGORY?!
MARS; Geez, dude, don't have a heart attack!
OAK: (clears throat). Anyway, I will choose for you. 'Can Magikarp Learn this Attack?" for $600. And the answer is, Hyper Beam. Can Magikarp learn Hyper Beam? Yes or No. Hyper Beam.
MEOWTH: (buzzes in) I dunno, Oak, but I just did a Sludge Bomb on yer pants! (laughs hysterically)
OAK: (glances down and throws up his arms) Okay, that is disgusting! (MEOWTH continues laughing. MARS buzzes in) Yes, Mars.
MARS: What is the Red Chain?
OAK: No! Cut to commercial, please!
[Oak runs off the set as the screen fades to black. A brown spot is clearly visible on his tan trousers. After a series of commercials for Pokémon Centers, attorney Larry "The Knockout" Jones, and Team Galactic, Oak re-emerges wearing black pants. Now all the categories are covered by sheets of paper, each with a single letter spelling out "OAKS MOM." Meowth is laughing hysterically]
LISA: (puts hand on chin) Ah, so the game has changed. Very well, I shall take "K" for $600…
OAK: Look, let's move on to Final Jeopardy. And the category is: 'Do you like Pikachu?' (Final Jeopardy music plays) Yes or no. Do you like Pikachu? I really don't care whether you do or not, just write 'Yes' or 'No'. (music stops) And now, let's see what you wrote. We'll start with Meowth, who answered (reveals answer) 'Oak's Mom'. You know what, I really don't care what you wagered.
MEOWTH: C'mon, Oak! Don't be such a downer! Your mom would not approve!
OAK: What would you know about my mom?! (clears throat) Anyway, let's see what Lisa wrote. (reveals answer as a carefully drawn picture of a car) And it's a picture of a car.
LISA: Not just any car! That's a classic 1953 Buick Roadmaster! Someday I hope to buy one for my collection…
OAK: I'll take your word on it. Let's see your wager… (shows a complicated mess of numbers and mathematical symbols)… and I don't even want to know.
LISA: The main problem is, you don't give me enough room on this thing to recreate my Master's thesis paper.
OAK: (sighs) I'll take that into consideration. Let's move on to Mars, who wrote… (reveals answer) 'Saturn Fails At Life.'
MARS: He does fail. And I mean that, totally.
OAK: Sure. Let's see your wager… (shows 'Jupiter Is A B…" with the rest of the last word blurred out) Jupiter is a… and I can't repeat the last word on this show.
MARS: GO TO HELL, JUPITER!!!
OAK: I doubt she's watching. I wouldn't. All right, that's it. I'm going to the top of Mt. Coronet and jumping off.
LISA: Is that related to the Dodge Coronet? Hello? Is it?
I've been called "Immature" and "egotistical" before, and I think it's about time I started living up to that :P So I present this epitome of awesome and win, a random crackfic combining the elements of Saturday Night Live's "Celebrity Jeopardy" skit and Pokemon.
Contestant Lisa is my OC from my main fic.
Enjoy :P
Celebrity Jeopardy #1
[The setting is a game show set. The host, an older man with gray hair and a white lab coat, stands behind a podium. To his right is the game board, consisting of a grid of blue squares with dollar amounts listed in them, though the top row is blank. Across from the host are the three contestants. First is a brown haired teenage girl wearing a blue floral dress and green button-up blouse. "Lisa" is written on her podium. To her right is another woman, slightly older, with pointed red hair and a silver and black suit that looks strangely futuristic. "Mars" is the name on the podium. To the far right is a small, beige cat-like Pokémon with a gold coin embedded in its forehead. "Meowth" appears on the podium in front of it.]
OAK: (sighs) Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy. After this finishes airing, I'm going to hunt down and kill Professor Birch for tricking me into doing this crap. Without further ado, let's meet the contestants. In third place with a staggering negative $479,000 is Lisa Northwood, elite trainer from some region nobody cares about.
LISA: (slams her fist on the podium) Y'know, I would have the lead if you just asked the right questions!
OAK: I don't choose 'em, I just read 'em. In a close second place with negative $478,982 is Mars of Team Galactic.
MARS: This matters not when Master Cyrus returns from the Distortion World and claims this world as his own!
OAK: Note how I am not holding my breath. And with a commanding lead, Meowth has $6.
MEOWTH: A funny thing happened on my way to the studio today. Your mother and I took a little detour to the local Motel 6 and…
OAK: (slaps his forehead and groans) That's great. Share it with us after the show. Let's begin Double Jeopardy, and here are the categories: "Potent Potables," "Literature," "What Oak's Mom Did Last Night…" wait, what?! (On the game board, "What Oak's Mom Did Last Night" is sloppily written on a sheet of paper and taped over the actual category)
(MEOWTH is laughing hysterically. OAK throws his hands in the air and trudges over to the board. He rips down the handwritten sign.)
OAK: Let's move on. We have "Cities that end in 'Affron'," "Jasmine or Whitney" – that's where I show you a picture and you tell me whether it's Jasmine or Whitney (Meowth's buzzer sounds) … What is it now?
MEOWTH: So, it's an entire category of women that you'd like to date but aren't man enough to, eh, Oaky? Or maybe it's because you swing the other way…
OAK: (Holds up his right hand) That's quite enough! May I finish, please? Next is, "Does This Belong In Your Mouth?", "Can Magikarp Learn This Attack?", and finally, "Automatic Points." Lisa, since you are in last place, you get to choose.
LISA: (rubs her chin) I'll take "Jasmine or Whitney" for $800.
OAK: Fine. (The clue is revealed to be a picture of Jasmine riding her Steelix.) Is the person on the Steelix Jasmine or Whitney? (LISA buzzes in.) Yes, Lisa.
LISA: Who is Geoff Bodine?
OAK: (a bewildered look is on his face) What?
LISA: Geoff Bodine. Is he not the man who won the 1986 Daytona 500?
OAK: That is irrelevant. (MEOWTH buzzes in.) Meowth?
MEOWTH: Well, it certainly ain't yer mother, and I should know since I was up close and personal with her last night!
OAK: (shakes head) Let's just move on to "Literature," for $400. "This work by William Shakespeare is about a dream that happens on a midsummer night." (MARS buzzes in.) Mars, what's your answer?
MARS: What else could it be but the glorious plans of our great Master Cyrus?
OAK: Not even close. (LISA buzzes in.) Lisa?
LISA: (begins singing and doing air guitar) And I… remember how you loved me
Time was all we had until the day we said goodbye
And I… remember every moment
Of those endless summer nights… (buzzer sounds)
OAK: No.
LISA: (puts her hands on her hips) Oh, come on! It involved a summer night!
OAK: (sighs and puts right hand on forehead) Meowth, please choose a category.
MEOWTH: How about 'Cities That End in "Affron"?'
OAK: For how much, Meowth?
MEOWTH: How about $20, the amount I paid yer mother last night! (laughs)
OAK: No, let's try $800. This city ends in "Affron". (MARS buzzes in). Mars, your answer?
MARS: What is North Affron?
OAK: Hell, no! (LISA buzzes in) Yes, Lisa?
LISA: What is Fort Mill, South Carolina? (OAK shakes head) Where is Fort Mill, South Carolina? (OAK bangs his head on his podium) Beautiful town, Fort Mill. Baxter Village is there. And Carowinds. And Springs Industries. And a Comfort Inn at 3725…
OAK: Yes, we get it. Mars, please choose.
MARS: (rubs chin) Let's see… I'll pick, 'Awesome Teams That Are Led By Cyrus' for $2000.
OAK: (dashes to game board) WHERE THE HELL DO YOU EVEN SEE THAT CATEGORY?!
MARS; Geez, dude, don't have a heart attack!
OAK: (clears throat). Anyway, I will choose for you. 'Can Magikarp Learn this Attack?" for $600. And the answer is, Hyper Beam. Can Magikarp learn Hyper Beam? Yes or No. Hyper Beam.
MEOWTH: (buzzes in) I dunno, Oak, but I just did a Sludge Bomb on yer pants! (laughs hysterically)
OAK: (glances down and throws up his arms) Okay, that is disgusting! (MEOWTH continues laughing. MARS buzzes in) Yes, Mars.
MARS: What is the Red Chain?
OAK: No! Cut to commercial, please!
[Oak runs off the set as the screen fades to black. A brown spot is clearly visible on his tan trousers. After a series of commercials for Pokémon Centers, attorney Larry "The Knockout" Jones, and Team Galactic, Oak re-emerges wearing black pants. Now all the categories are covered by sheets of paper, each with a single letter spelling out "OAKS MOM." Meowth is laughing hysterically]
LISA: (puts hand on chin) Ah, so the game has changed. Very well, I shall take "K" for $600…
OAK: Look, let's move on to Final Jeopardy. And the category is: 'Do you like Pikachu?' (Final Jeopardy music plays) Yes or no. Do you like Pikachu? I really don't care whether you do or not, just write 'Yes' or 'No'. (music stops) And now, let's see what you wrote. We'll start with Meowth, who answered (reveals answer) 'Oak's Mom'. You know what, I really don't care what you wagered.
MEOWTH: C'mon, Oak! Don't be such a downer! Your mom would not approve!
OAK: What would you know about my mom?! (clears throat) Anyway, let's see what Lisa wrote. (reveals answer as a carefully drawn picture of a car) And it's a picture of a car.
LISA: Not just any car! That's a classic 1953 Buick Roadmaster! Someday I hope to buy one for my collection…
OAK: I'll take your word on it. Let's see your wager… (shows a complicated mess of numbers and mathematical symbols)… and I don't even want to know.
LISA: The main problem is, you don't give me enough room on this thing to recreate my Master's thesis paper.
OAK: (sighs) I'll take that into consideration. Let's move on to Mars, who wrote… (reveals answer) 'Saturn Fails At Life.'
MARS: He does fail. And I mean that, totally.
OAK: Sure. Let's see your wager… (shows 'Jupiter Is A B…" with the rest of the last word blurred out) Jupiter is a… and I can't repeat the last word on this show.
MARS: GO TO HELL, JUPITER!!!
OAK: I doubt she's watching. I wouldn't. All right, that's it. I'm going to the top of Mt. Coronet and jumping off.
LISA: Is that related to the Dodge Coronet? Hello? Is it?
