sugarcoating

this was a topic question on my friend's forum I visit so I asked the OP person if I could use the topic on another forum, he said I could.

]So do you ever sugarcoat a lie you tell someone to spare their feelings ?
yes I do it to my daughter because she is only 3.

How to feel about sugarcoating ?
I think sugarcoat is okay but not if you overuse it.

So do you ever sugarcoat a lie you tell someone to spare their feelings?
Honestly, I'll always try to say the complete truth with words that just aren't harsh. It's way better to be told the truth and being bummed for a while rather than building up expectations and then watch them get destroyed.

How to feel about sugarcoating?
I avoid it as much as I can and I'd rather have people not sugarcoat me the truth.

Here, a little something.

A quote:

"When one lies, one should lie big"-Joseph Goebbels.

Although Goebbels was a mass murderer, he was cunning...oh how everyone knows lying is wrong, and if you lie flippantly then one lie will lead to another until you're known as a notorious liar, losing honour and respect.
I'd "lie" to a child to keep them happy but I would avoid lying whilst dealing with somebody older...it's important to tell the truth, however there are exceptions as certain "lies" could be used to teach...

I don't sugarcoat, and I don't lie if it isn't life or death, so no.

All my life people have told me that I'm pretty harsh when it comes to telling people stuff. Most people respect my bluntness. For everyone else, there's mastercard.

I want to know what people really feel. If it hurts my feelings, I'll get over it. I'd rather hear your honest feelings/opinions of something than you sparing mine and bottling it up into resentment over time. I try to do the same.

I do it at times. I can, at times, seem like a bit of a jerk and I know it. So I suger-coat in order to spare people's feelings. I know it isn't right but...I can't help it.

(It's nice to see a topic owner actually replying to their own topic. ^ ^)

So do you ever sugarcoat a lie you tell someone to spare their feelings ?
I don't do this, and people appreciate my honesty as well. I DO however "sugarcoat" the truth. People of all ages that I have met respect me for my true honesty as well. Lying only would prevent them from doing it right (that is, if they want the truth for that reason). I may not even say anything negative and only offer advice and/or point out any good thing I can notice. I'm a bad liar and just don't like doing it. I never have to even considering lying to tell the complete truth, and I don't even have hurt their feelings. It's easy for me to be honest without hurting people. ^ ^ I care a lot about people's feelings though, and I know how to prevent hurting them (helps to know the person of course!). If someone DEMANDS the truth, they will get it from me though (but not in a mean way, no never!). I'm not any good at critiquing though, and I usually save my advice for close friends. ^ ^;

How to feel about sugarcoating ?
I may use sugarcoated words with people I don't know well, to let them know I mean well (because people are more defensive these days and are used to being hurt). I also use it to brighten someone's dark day to make them feel better. There's a lot of meanness in this world, so why not be sweet sometimes? A little kindness can go a long way. If it improves their day, I'm all for it! I'm not fake though, I really mean it when I say positive things (which goes back to the first question)!

Being blunt all the time is too judge-y, too Holden-Caulfield-raging-against-the-phonies-of-the-world, for me. We all judge people, but we don't need to express our judgement whenever possible. Sometimes your (or my) opinion or view isn't that important in a situation or doesn't help anyone so it's better to "sugarcoat" and move on.

So do you ever sugarcoat a lie you tell someone to spare their feelings?
I really don't like to do it, but there are some people I know that take the truth way too harsh, so I sometimes have to tip-toe around the situation. If I can avoid sugarcoating something, than I will, as I'd much rather be straight-forward than have it come back to bite me later.

How to feel about sugarcoating?
Like I sort of just touched on, I'd rather not do it, but sometimes it just needs to be done. And I find that as long as it's with smaller lies, I don't feel quite as bad (such as saying "Oh, they didn't have any left" when I forget to look for something), but when someone tries to sugarcoat a big lie, that's when I start to have problems with it.

The only thing I sugarcoat is my cereal.

I'm a big believer in sugar coating. I think honesty is good but sugar coating is the difference between being honest and being mean.

Also I don't understand the idea of sugar coating a lie. Shouldn't you be sugar coating the truth because that's harder to handle than the lie?

I don't sugarcoat anything, but I try to be constructive rather than mean. I'll tell someone if I think something is ugly, stupid, not funny, etc., and if someone asks my "honest opinion" about something, I'll tell them what I think and why I think it.
I won't randomly go up to someone and say I think their hair is ugly or something though, too much effort and I don't care enough to go out of my way. Plus people can do what they want.

Harlequin said:

The only thing I sugarcoat is my cereal.

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I don't even do that man. I will sugarcoat to an extent as in offline I'll try and be constructive and/or helpful when saying stuff. You know how there's many different ways of expressing the same point, I'll try not to be hurtful offline. So while I do a bit of sugarcoating, it's not the extent where I'm twisting or warping the truth or whatever. Online I generally prefer to salt-coat and mercilessly annihilate anyone who I consider to be wrong in whatever the discussion / circumstances are. Alot of people see it as me being rude and/or disrespectful but I see it as 'being cruel to be kind' / 'tough love'.

So do you ever sugarcoat a lie you tell someone to spare their feelings?
I feel my honesty has always served well. I am mindful of my words, though; I would therefore call myself tactful.

How to feel about sugarcoating?
If one isn't intent on getting their point across, one has no point.

Shining Raichu said:

Also I don't understand the idea of sugar coating a lie. Shouldn't you be sugar coating the truth because that's harder to handle than the lie?

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How is the truth harder to handle?

Shining Raichu said:

I'm a big believer in sugar coating. I think honesty is good but sugar coating is the difference between being honest and being mean.

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Andy's post essentially surmises my thoughts. I personally sugar coat a good amount, cause I'm not the kind of person to be blunt as a first approach. If a person proves to be relentless/stubborn, though, then no more candy for them.

If I believe that they need to know the blunt truth, then that's what the person will get. However, if I'm emotionally invested or w/e, I'll try to lessen the blow somewhat.

If it's just a day to day thing (clothes, hair etc.), then I won't sugarcoat a thing.

It really does depend entirely on the situation for me.

Cassino said:

How is the truth harder to handle?

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If it was easy to handle the truth then we wouldn't need to lie.

I don't mind sugarcoating, but only if the situation at hand requires it. If it has to deal with my daughter then I'll pretty up the truth a little bit to make it so she'll both understand and agree. Luckily she's so young that the need to do so is very rare and it's extremely easy.

It's a little complicated with adults. They should be capable of handling the truth in theory, but not everybody is so accepting. Sometimes I like to jazz it up a little bit, stay quiet, or dodge the topic altogether just to avoid conflict. To me, telling the truth isn't worth starting something.

I don't really sugarcoat, but I'm usually not a very blunt person, either.
I think it's important to be tactful, in some respect or another, or else you can very easily come acrossed as being a complete jackass.