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  #1    
Old September 29th, 2012, 07:36 AM
zid_sen's Avatar
zid_sen
The Sacred Thunder of Aselis
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Indonesia
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely

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Tokoh -

Lanna - 10 Tahun
Neighbor of Ash Ketchum in Pallet Town, her kindness make she really popular in Pallet Toen.She want to be the best ever Pokemon Coordinator.

Aster - 10 tahun
Best friend's of Lanna and one of Ash Ketchum's fans, she trying to become a pokemon master! She's really slow thinking and always calm but she always fight!

Ash Ketchum and Co - 15 tahun, Brock 20 tahun.
You know all of them, won't you?
Yaps! Ash Ketchum, Misty, Brock, May, Tracey, Dawn, Iris and Cilan~
We will met them all in this fanfiction!


★Let's Start★
~5 years after Ash's Journey in Unova, a two girly new trainer going to show up their skill!!~

*Sorry but this first episode is in Indonesian Language!*

Pagi yang cerah dimana cahaya sinar matahari tak begitu panas,
Professor Oak kali ini mau ke Unova lagi! Tapi ia sudah menjemput Ash, truz sekarang dia ada di depan rumah siapa?

"Oi! Professor Oak!" Dari pintu rumah keluar 2 perempuan, perempuan pertama bernama Lanna dan perempuan kedua bernama Aster.

"Oi! Ayo masuk, Ash udah nunggu neeh!" teriak Prof. Oak

"Ash <3~" senyum Aster dengan ramah.
#plak

Lanna "Gak ada waktu buat pacaran, Aster!"
Aster "Iya deh....."

Mereka pun menikmati perjalanan mereka ke Unova,
tempat mereka akan memulai petualangan mereka bersama!
Kalian tau kan? Kalo Unova tadinya gak ada Pokemon Contest...
Tapi 2 tahun yang lalu,
Pokemon Contest dibangun dan diperkenalkan kepada semua penduduk Unova oleh Dawn dan May~

Jadi sekarang,
Unova punya deh pokemon contest~

★ Sesampainya di Unova ★

Prof. Juniper "Hai Professor Oak~"
Prof. Oak "Hi~ Okay, Ash? Katanya kamu mau ke tempat Alder?"

Ash "Ya Professor, See you later kids!"

Aster "Iya Ash manisku, ooooh <3"
#plak
Lanna "Aster!!"

Prof. Juniper pun mengantar Lanna, Aster juga Prof. Oak ke lab-nya di Nuvema Town~
Prof. Juniper pun langsung bertanya kepada Lanna dan Aster tentang keinginan mereka ke Unova.

Prof. Juniper "Okay! Kalian tinggal pilih dari 3 starter ini untuk petualangan kalian~"



Aster "Mmmmm...I pick Tepig! karena paling gampang di battle"
Lanna "I pick Oshawott! Karena paling lucu dari mereka bertiga~"
??? "Aku memilih Snivy kalo begitu"

Apakah kelanjutan dari petualangan mereka? Siapa yang memilih Snivy?
Ikuti kelanjutannya

[size=18pt]Bersambung[/size]
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Last edited by zid_sen; September 29th, 2012 at 07:41 AM.
  #2    
Old September 29th, 2012, 07:40 AM
zid_sen's Avatar
zid_sen
The Sacred Thunder of Aselis
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Indonesia
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Episode 2

Lanna "Shut up!!! Go and have you mouth shout!"

??? "Such a little brat, gimme a break! The name's Paul, i got here with Ash's request!"



Lanna "Owh yeah?! So what, dumb loser! You just outta my way!"
Aster "Calm down, Lan!"

Paul "I don't talk to a brat loser"

Lanna "How dare you, flea! I will crush you to the end of the world!!"

Paul got Snivy and leave Prof. Juniper's Lab

Prof. Oak "You're really different from Ash you know! Ash maybe mad, but he don't fight with mouth, he ask for a pokemon battle"

Lanna "So he's Ash's Rival? From where?"

Prof. Oak "Sinnoh League"

Aster "Whoa! That mean i must defeat him too! So i can match-up with Ash <3"
Lanna "Oh boy!"

Prof. Juniper "BTW here's your Oshawott and Tepig~"

Prof. Juniper give Lanna a Oshawott, Pokedex and a pokeball.
Prof. Juniper give Aster a Tepig, Pokedex and a pokeball.



After say thanks to Professor Oak and Professor Juniper,
Lanna and Aster start their journey in the route one to Accumula Town! But it has one problem...

Prepare for Trouble...
And make it double...
To protect the world from devastation!
To make people within our nation!
To announce evil, for truth and love!
To reach the power of brilliant star!

Jilly....
Jenna....

Team Rocket blast with the speed of beauty...
surrender now or prepare to fight the truth!

Jilly "Isn't that more cool than papa James!?"
Jenna "Isn't that more beauty than mama Jessie?!"

Lanna "Hey freaking, i don't have money y'know!"
Aster "Yeah...outta our way!!"

Jilly "We're going to steal you pokemon, so just surrender!"

Lanna "Owh yeah????!!! Go Oshawott!"
Aster "Go, Tepig!"

What are they planning?
Who is the new team rocket?
Is Lanna and Aster going to win or lose?

To Be Continued
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  #3    
Old September 29th, 2012, 06:49 PM
Astinus's Avatar
Astinus
Remember NovEnder
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Connecticut, USA
Age: 27
Gender: Male
I don't wish to assume, but may I ask if English isn't your first language? It's just what I guess by the fact that the first chapter of this is in Indonesian and the English chapter has quite a few common errors.

Still, your story is breaking the section's rules. Script fics with no description to them and that are just dialogue aren't welcomed here. Also, we ask for some cleanliness to the story so that it's easy to read. It's also going to be difficult to get readers if your first chapter is in a language not everyone can understand.

If you want, you can ask around for a beta reader. They'll help you with writing your story, answering questions and checking over your work before you post it.

Good luck to you. And thread closed.
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